At a marriage seminar this past March I got lost in my own thoughts just thinking about how different I would be today if only I knew then what I know now.
As kids we question our parents when they say no to us. No on sleepovers. No on going to parties or even a movie. No on dating at a certain age and no on many more things. Especially when we are teenagers. But because we are young we don't realize that they meant well. They were only concerned about us and wanted no harm to happen to us.
During the seminar I went off to my own little world and it got me to thinking. What if?
What if I knew back then what I know now? I wondered how different my life would be today. Yet it makes me think. Do I love my life today? Am I content? What if knowing then what I know now gave a twist to the life I live today. Maybe I wouldn't be married to that hunk of a husband I have. Maybe I wouldn't have these two amazing and precious boys I have today. Is it really worth looking back into your life going over the things you would do different?
That night while in bed I realized something. I can't blame anyone for the childhood I had. Or for the mistakes that I've made. Because living that childhood and making those mistake have brought me to my destination today. And as I think back and wish that my mom would had been more involved. That I would had taken high school more seriously. That I would had went on to college right away. That I would had developed a better savings skills. That I should had thought more closely about the near future (because you know, 10 years will pass by so fast it'll leave you dizzy). My wants, goals, etc.
All of those things that I'm just figuring out now and didn't know back then have only made me a better person. A better mother and a better wife. Although we only get older with each passing year it's never too late to start fresh. To give your life meaning. Right now I have knowledge and I will use that knowledge to raise my children the way I wish I was raised. If I wouldn't have went thought all that I went through I probably wouldn't realize what is of greater importance to teach my kids. Age is only a number. It doesn't dictate when my life will be over. So when it comes to my personal demons, they just got the boot! I'm proud to be 27. With an amazing husband, two beautiful kids, an almost paid off car-that I will have paid myself with my own hard work. A homeowner and homemaker.
That I did things a little different then most people? It's ok. That I'm still working on my college degree? It's ok. Not only will that be an accomplishment to myself, it will also be a lesson to my children. Their mama never gave up. Even when she felt age and society beating her down. She came through. I will come through. Knowing early is not always best. It will only defeat the purpose of your life and push you off the oath you are meant to be on.
What a beautiful day it was.
This time of year is very special to me because it brings back many memories from my childhood. I remember getting new outfits from our parents every year to celebrate Jesus resurrection. Along with that, as soon as the Semana Santa started they had tons of movies on TV about our savior and I got to watch them all with my brother and parents. It was the season for habichuela con Dulce, a very popular Dominican dessert made with beans. This is the type of dessert that you either love or hate. There's no in between. However, you may hate it at first and love it down the road. Take for example my darling husband.
Growing up the bunny and egg hunts didn't exist. It was all about our Jesus and what he had done for us. Raised in the catholic religion there were many events that happened during the Passover which at that age I didn't understand many of them, but now, now I get it. Too bad I changed religion.
This year it was even more special to me because I recently got baptized therefore I was determined to start new traditions to go along with the old ones with my little boys. We started with a kids devotional from the Bible App "Children's Guide to Easter" which talked about Jesus life the week before his death. Steven jr and I read it each morning and I loved how much questions and curiosity was in him. I also learned how much my child really new on this topic. This made me feel so proud, it was such an amazing feeling that is so hard to explain.
They don't give movies like back in my days but I am glad to say that I am still able to teach my kids what this season is really about. Of course that they are still kids and the Easter bunny and egg hunts are a must. We've been doing it with Steven since he was about AJ's age and this was AJ first year hunting for eggs. It was too funny watching him get the eggs. He would just open them up to see what was inside and when he tried a piece of chocolate... Oh dear, it was the end. My kid has officially became a chocolate lover.
Overall it was a very nice day with a service at church and our traditional dinner at my mother-in-law's house. I love keeping up with traditions. Looking back at the pictures is what I enjoy most! To see the change within all of us is priceless.
I believe I've said it before, I think we enjoy the holidays just a bit more after we've become parents ourselves. Don't you think?
This man right here. He's my heart. He makes me a better person. He allows me to see the world and different events with a different eye. He's not perfect. But neither am I. We have our disagreements but I think that makes us learn a little more about each other. It's been almost a decade that we've been together (that sounds long doesn't it?), yet it feels like it was just last week when I looked into his eyes and fell in love with his smile.
He's not the easiest person to live with. Or deal with for that matter. But the best thing about it is that he knows it and will take responsibility for his actions. He's not that handy around the house when it comes to fixing things. And it may take him quite some time to get it done but it gets done one way or another. Usually another. He can be a bit on the old fashioned side, he gets that from his daddy, but we manage.
He provides for his family. If I didn't know better I'd say that that is his priority in life. He's a fantastic father. I remember at some point in our relationship questioning my ability to be a good mother because he was so much better then me. At everything. Seriously, it was bad. I would feel like crying at times. I'm glad his stay-at-home-dad days are over that's for sure.
He's determined. It doesn't matter what it is if he wants he'll work for it. I admire him for that. He knows his worth and is not afraid to let it be known. No low self-esteem there. Very outspoken this husband of mine. And let's not forget friendly. He gets along with everyone no matter if they're orange or pink. He's a jokester. This can get to me sometimes.
Did I mention Handsome? With a killer smile? And dreamy eyes? Oh yes. That smile and those lashes swept me of my feet from day one. So much so that I said I loved him well into our first couple of months into dating. Yeah, that was embarrassing. Kinda. I didn't even know how to look at him in the face after school that day.
He's the complete opposite of me in many ways. I guess opposites do attract ;)
We started this relationship early. And I can say we missed doing many things by becoming parents at such young age. It has been a learning experience. A journey. One that I would do over in a heartbeat. We're still learning. And growing. We're not perfect and we've dealt with our fair share of drama but this man, this man here, he has my heart. Always has. Forever will.
I love you husband of mine. Muah!
Here's to 9 more years together, and then some :)
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