Our Marriage: 4 Years

It has been four years since our beautiful wedding in Dreams Punta Cana. If you'd ask me then what I envisioned my marriage to be like I would have said something like a "happy ending". Little did I know that our marriage would be anything but a happy ending. Instead it was the beginning of a journey, one that we hope will someday be a happy ending to our life.

I won't lie, there's no point in doing so. The first couple (plus) years in our marriage were the hardest. It was like starting from scratch. I felt like I had no idea who I had married and although I can't speak for my hubby I'm sure he had his own issues with me. It was a phase in our lives that would either make us or break us. The future seemed uncertain for us. We had no idea what would be of us in a few years or even a few months into the future. It seemed that we were destined to fail as a married couple. 

Lucky for us we opted to give it our best and make it work. We seeked counseling, we tried techniques, and approached our issues in a multitude of ways until we found one that worked for us. It wasn't easy but in my personal approach I chose to stay true to the words I had vowed my husband and God realizing that the best things in life require hard work. I turned to God more than anything or anyone to help our marriage and God came to the rescue. It took him several years but he came through for us and today although we are not quite perfect we are a lot happier and in sync than we were four years ago. It has helped a lot that our loved ones were a major support system for the both of us. Always advising us and interceding for us in prayer.

I'll never get tired of saying it but marriage is anything but a destination. It's nothing more than a journey. A journey were you truly get to know your partner. One in which you are constantly learning all sorts of things and where you learn to adapt to new changes, compromise, fighting fair, love harder, forgive, give in. And that's not even the half of it. It may seem easier to throw in the towel and start over but what guarantees you that the next marriage will be any easier? Marriage is hard and it will always be a journey, no matter who your partner is. I believe that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage but I have no doubt that there are A LOT of great ones. 

I have great faith and plans for our future as I'm sure my husband does too and I look forward to the years ahead where we will grow and mature together. A future that we will build together. A life in which the journey will require us both to work together to make a great one.

I look forward to what our future holds and I feel lucky and blessed that my husband, like myself,  chose to keep going instead of giving up on us. With four years of marriage now and the rest of our lives to go I can honestly say that I love the person I have evolved into as an individual thanks to my better half. Many will never understand and it's ok, they don't have to because this journey belongs to us. We make the decisions here and we will reap from its benefits.

Happy Anniversary to us! May the Lord continue to bless us and our little family. May he continue to give us the strength, love, and faith that we require to honor our vows until the end of our lives.

xoxo
The Wife

I did it! We did it!

If my memory serves me well I'm pretty sure that for the past 2.5 years, since AJ entered our lives, I have yet to have an outing with the two boys alone in a public place. Don't get me wrong yes I've been out with them both to certain places especially when AJ was only a few months but today was different. Today we took a trip to an amusement park. Dorney Park.

I've mentioned before the benefits of having my boys with a six year age difference but I've also mentioned the challenges it can bring being that they both require different types of attention and care. So when a friend asked me to take a trip to Dorney Park with the kiddos I didn't give it a second thought like I normally would. I kinda figured that I would stay behind with AJ while they got in bigger rides. Well that didn't turned out the way I had imagined. 

Even before we left the house I had asked Steven to please be in his best behavior and to be considerate of AJs age. Meaning we couldn't do a lot of the things he would like to. He agreed without any complains and we were off to a good start. Once there we hit the wave pool first. My friend had stayed behind with her child and family and I jumped head first into what would turn out to be a great experience. We put AJs life jacket on and they were both having a great time. Until the waves came in that is. AJ was not a big fan of them and constantly repeated "stop it mom. Stop doing that". He thought I was making the water push him hahaha. Eventually he had enough and only wanted to be carried by me. Still he behaved well for over an hour which was the time we spent in the wave pool. Steven on the other hand kept wanting to go deeper and deeper. I didn't let him go past 5 feet though. And surprisingly he listened to me and stayed within sight while I catered to AJ and try to keep him calmed. It was a win win for both of them.

After the wave pool we headed for some lunch. Steven had a burger and fries and AJ and I had chicken fingers and fries.Again  both boys behaved well and did not fight. That's unusual for my boys. They are always fighting. We cleaned up and put on another round of sun screen. I was really on top of my game :)

Then came the water slides. Obviously AJ can't ride on them and I couldn't get on them with Steven because of AJ. Being that today was a Tuesday it worked well to our advantage because the park was not packed at all. Lines were very short and I was able to spot Steven even if he was way up there. 

Today I found out that my 8 years old is fearless and I simply cannot get over it. He asked if he can get on the slides even if it was by himself and being that the lines were not long I agreed. What we did was that I walked him over to the entrance and stood near by where I was able to see him once it was his turn. Then when he turn came around I would move toward the exit area and wait for him. In the mean time I would chase AJ around because he would not stay still and he wanted to have a turn line Steven. He kept asking me "I go next mom? Is my turn now". So adorable!. Once Steven started to come down the slide we cheered him on and AJ would say "yayyy! You did it Pollo you did it". It was the cutest thing! Steven was able to get on two slides then we did the reptide river. Steven got on the tube by himself and I got on with AJ. It was funny that AJ didn't like the water falls and screamed his loudest each time we got neared one yet he wanted to get on a tube by himself. After that Steven did a couple more slides and after we did the kids lagoon pool. A great place for AJ to enjoy himself and fun enough for Steven as well. We stood there for about an hour and then it was time to go. As we walked out Steven wanted to do one more slide. That was the scariest for me but he was all for it. I noticed all these kids a lot smaller than Steven and thought to myself "I have to let him do it if they're doing it. Crap!" And so he went.

And just like that I had survived my first amusement park outing with an 8 years old and a 2 years old. Both requiring to be in different parts of the park in order to enjoy themselves. I did it! I didn't yell. I didn't get mad or frustrated. It was fun and relaxing, sorta. An outing with my boys. They did it. They both were on their best behavior and didn't drive mommy crazy. Is this normal? Will it always be like that? I doubt it. But one thing I know for sure is not to tackle this kind of outing on the weekend. I might come home hairless.

I'm so proud of us all. I know it may seem like this was nothing. Especially when I see other moms tackle more than two kids in many different atmosphere. But this was new to me, to us. No matter where I go there's always back up. The hubby, my mom, the inlaws or godparents. Someone is always there. Expect for today and we nailed it!!! I'm proud. I feel great.

xoxo

Pamela 

Mom-Son Summer Reading Challenge

I'm really excited about this! 

I always try to find ways to bond with my big guy. I don't want him feeling left out because his little brother requires so much attention still and at the same time I like to be as involved as possible in his education. Reading is something I like to do but find that "I never have the time for". Does reading blogs count as part of reading? I think it does, right? It is also something that I said I'd make sure my kids love to do. I've been collecting books for them for a very long time. Steven Jr has collected so many books over the last 8 years and I didn't realized how many he had read until back in the spring of 2014 when we separated his books in two piles. The "read" pile and the "need to read" pile. I was very impressed and of course proud of my big guy. He does listen when I say it's reading time. 

During the school year in our home we have a rule. He must read a book a day Monday-Friday. Then on the weekends if 5 books were read and his chores done every day he gets to play video games. My kid loves video games. He is his uncle's nephew x2.  However, no video games are allowed during the weekday. Fair enough right? Expect during vacation then we're a little more lenient. And even with that I've noticed he doesn't play as much as I thought he would once school would be done. 

Being that he's starting 4th grade this Fall, that the majority of his books are read, that he's into chapter books now and that I really want to get into finding time for reading and have a very long list of books to read we've agreed to do a summer reading challenge. 

Today we spent part of the early morning at the library checking out books and Steven checked out 11 books. He wants to read all of the magic tree house books and he likes the fudge books so that's were he started. He has three weeks tot read all 11 books, he says he can do it and I'm sure he can. I'm still debating if I should get my books on my nook or put my library card to good use. Do kids even know about public libraries these days? I lived there in my younger days. Mostly for the Internet though ;).

I'm excited to see how many books we get to read up on this summer :)

What are your must reads for this summer?
Any favorites you would recommend?

xoxo
Pamela

I want to see what people see

When you have strangers stoping you to let you know that you are beautiful and compliment you on your features, work, etc it leaves you no choice but wonder what it is that they are seeing in you.

I don't know if many can relate but this is how I feel. 

Confession. I've always struggled with my looks. It was always one thing or another. My hair was not soft enough. My skin color was too dark. My head was too oval looking. I was too skinny. My butt was not big enough. My breast are too small. I  don't have a sense for fashion or can't apply make up nice enough like others can. I was just average. It all messed with my self esteem for way too long and I mean long like until recently. 

I'm pretty and beautiful from the outside and the inside. I know I can look really pretty if I dress up. But I don't feel pretty if I'm just lounging around in my pjs. I need to have my hair done and wear at least eyeliner to feel pretty. But when you have strangers upon strangers telling you how beautiful you are even when you feel you look your worse it makes you wonder what it is that they see in you. I know I do. 

Lately I've been paying close attention at my features and talking selfies hahaha you know to see if I see the same thing and although I really don't see what they see it has made me realize that we are all beatiful in one way or another. So what if I don't have a flat stomach or if wear my hair crazy from time to time. What matter is my personality and that is what enhances my looks and makes me look different to others. Is not all about the physical looks. Not always anyways. I can use my own sissy as an example I feel that she's gorgeous. Even when she's looking all crazy but her personality and attitude make her so ugly and unbearable at the same time. Is true. We do not have any sort of relationship due to her attitude and it's sad. 

As I was saying. I've been paying close attention to the compliments I get and my attitude about it and they're right I am beautiful. I need to accept it and wear it proudly every single day regardless of what I'm wearing or what I feel needs improvements. The way I truly feel about myself will not change unless I I start accepting my flaws or minor physical feature. 

I've realized that no one can love me unless I love myself so I need to start seeing what others see. I might be weird for making friends online hahaha and not perfect in the eyes of society but I'm unique. There's no other like me and that makes me pretty awesome! 

xoxo

Pamela 

Random Facts About Me

When I was 5 years old I felt down my grandmother's roof in the Dominican Republic. You're probably wondering what was a five year old doing on a roof but in DR there are no rules on where a child can play and her roof was "our chill spot" back then. It was only one story high but that was one hard fall. I ended up having a bowel incident with it and ended up being hospitalized for a couple of days. The only hospitalization I've had in my life besides giving birth. (knock on wood, I don't want to jinx it).

In middle school I remember not being able to say the word chocolate. I don't know what it was about that word but I could not say it. That's how it's written in the Spanish language so maybe that's why saying it in English always confused me. Weird I know, but I have it all down packed now. Chocolate :)

Six months after moving to the states back in 1996 (New Jersey) my mom had to move out of her sister's house and had to move in with a friend in NYC. Her work was in Jersey and so were our schools and being that she was alone with three kids she had the youngest being taken cared of by her friend in NYC and she would take a 30 mins train ride and 2 45mins bus rides to drop us off at school and get herself to work in NJ. Insane I know.The memories of those days remain embedded in my brain like the birth of my kids.

During my teen years I was involved in several fights with girls. My last fight at age 17 the girl stabbed me in the face with a knife right under my left eye requiring over 10 stitches internal and external. I also needed stitches on the side of my neck right below my left ear. Scariest experienced of my life, I could have lost my eye. There are some crazy people out there. Ever since that incident I have not been involved in any other fight. Do you blame me?  I avoid them at all cost, plus I'm older and mature now there's no need for cat fights. Not to mention I have a scar  that will hunt me for the rest of my life over something so stupid.

My ears are very very tiny. Almost abnormally tiny. Ok maybe not abnormally but they are tiny.

All throughout my school years girls did not like me "because of the way I walked". So childish but true believe it or not. How is it my fault that I was in modeling school as a little girl? The walk just stood with me since then. And honestly I never figured out what that walk was because I've always starred at girls while they walk and I feel that my walk is not much different. I would argue though that my posture is good. Back straight, chest out, chin up, head looking forward at all times. Maybe it was the whole hip moving side to side thing, who knows but it brought me problems upon problems with girls at school. It sucked.

So yes, I was in modeling school as a little girl. My aunt was a model and had a dream of running a modeling school. She started one up and always always took me with her an to her practices. She taught me things such as walking, sitting, and eating properly, etc. It became a dream for me too to be a model some day and my mom was thisclose of signing me up with an agency when we moved to PA but then she got scared after hearing horror stories and she never did. That dream then died when I got stabbed in the face which left me with a scar and then again after getting pregnant and welcoming the lovely stretch marks. 

I come from a big family. 12 aunts and uncle in my dad side each with no less than 3 kids each and 20+ from my mom side again each having 3+ kids each. That made me want to have a big family but wow having kids is not as easy as they make it seem. Raising them to what one believes to be the right way is no walk in the park and lets not talk about the financial expense. If I was wealthy and able to stay home to raise my children until they are able to care for themselves I would at least have 6 of them but I guess I'll have to change that want by half. I don't know if the hubby would feel the same though. He says he's good with his boys ;)

This last one is more of a confession then a fact but after reading Jess's post from Little Baby Garvin about losing her patience with her children sometimes I felt relief not to be the only one. Of course that I'm not the only one feeling that way but when everyone makes parenting seem like a piece of cake you become self conscious about the way you are doing things and handling certain situations. Is nice to read for myself that there are others out there that can relate to me. A picture, or in this case a blog post only tells a day in the life not the life as the whole and we all have our moments.

xoxo,
Pamela

Things my job has taught me

First of all and most importantly,

Treat others the way you want to be treated. 

This is something that has stuck with me since middle school but I never undertood its true meaning until years later. Even today I think back and remember that saying. You see, at work (and in my every day life) I try to be nice to everyone that crosses my path. One thing I've learned working in the medical field (I'm sure this can relate to many other careers as well) is that in life your success is not only measured by how much you know but also by who you know. Is word of mouth and if you "slack" on a job or mistreat a person for whatever reason it might just bite you in the rear later in life. You never know who you will cross paths with again and if you'll ever need them and if you were rude to them what are the chances they'll want to help you. Maybe I'm getting a bit off topic here but my reason behind this little part is that I think ahead on the day when I grow old and find myself useless for certain things. When that day comes I hope the person caring for me treats me with dignity, respect, and love as I do for my patients. I'm not going to lie, there are days that my patients drive me crazy but I think into the future and say to mysef how would I feel if I found myself in her/his shoes and felt to be an inconvinience to someone else". Not only that but what is their story? what have they been through in life that makes them this way? Everyone have a story and we should be mindful and respectful of it.

I've learned to be even more thankful for my health and that of my loved ones. 

Life is precious, make every moment count. 

Treat everyone with kindness regardless of how you are been treated by others. 

You can't please everyone and don't expect to get along with everyone.

We are all in title to have bad, grumpy days. 

Older people can be so sweet even when they are grumpy. 

Compassion and empathy can go a long way. 

The human body is amazing!

A smile speaks for itself. 

I love what I do. 

You can't make things up in the medical field. Everyday is an adventure of its own. 

The medical field is like a box of chocolate, you never know who you're going to care for.

Coffee is my new found BFF. 

xoxo,
Pamela