A few weeks back I was having a conversation with a coworker who I like to think of as a friend. We were discussing how I've been feeling that she has been changing with me and I wanted to know what was up with that.
I have trust issues, I have been betrayed one too many times by "friends" to the point that I keep my circle of friends very small and I reserved that title to those who truly deserve it. I thought she was one of them, maybe she is, who knows but she made a comment that bothered me and apparently it still bothers me because I'm writing about it here.
This friend said something along the lines of "soon you'll be a nurse, you'll make nurse friends, and you will change because that's what people do, they change." For a split second I didn't understand what she meant by "you'll change" butt then I quickly remembered a doctor in my HIV Clinic experience who told me "after graduation people will say that you have changed and it's true you will change. You will change the way you think, the way you see things, and even possibly the places that you will shop at because that comes with the territory. You will lose many friends because of it and it's okay because you must change and they will never understand why you must change." Now his talk was more involved of course and he went on to explaining exactly what he meant by how I will be changing and he was right, I totally agree with him, nursing school is no joke and it forces you think differently and it trains your brain on seeing things different compared to lets say my husband who did not go through nursing school.
However, I am sure that what my friend meant by "you'll change" is that I will think that I am better than "them" and eventually I will stop talking to them and I will surround myself by other nurses. And frankly that hurt me a lot more than she think it did and this is why, which by the way I also made it known to her.
I was born in a third world country. At one point I was homeless, alongside my mother, in said country. I came to the USA and lived in the projects for many years while being raised by a single mother of four. I had my first child at nineteen years old. I was made fun of and bullied growing up, I didn't have many friends, and I was the ESL student that couldn't pronounce words let alone use them correctly. It took me many years, trials, tribulations, and hard work to make it through nursing school.
I don't say all this for people to have pity on me, I say this because I know what it is to have nothing and how much work it took to get where I am today and I'll be damned if I ever forget my roots. Yes maybe I will buy myself an expensive item once in a while but that doesn't mean my principles and morals have changed. If anything I love using my life experiences to encourage others to follow their dreams and fight for what they want.
Is inevitable, I will make nurse friends but it doesn't mean my trust issues will disappear and I'll forget about those who have proven themselves trustworthy. Her comment really did bother me and like I mentioned maybe she will never realize just how much. But it's okay because my roots will never change and neither will I forget.
