Last year on the first Monday of October I started my job as a registered nurse. I had sat for my nclex the Friday before and on Sunday I paid $8 for the “unofficial” results. If someone would have told me all that was about to happen in the year to follow I wouldn’t have believed it.
I had an extremely easy transition from working as a nurse’s aid to working as a nurse. In November we found out we were pregnant. In December we traveled to California to welcome the new year with family. A few months of planning a dream trip and by April we were headed to Paris and Barcelona. After many months of being pregnant and not knowing the gender we gave birth to a healthy and adorable baby boy in July. In September we bought a beautiful and spacious home that met about 90% of our must haves. And by the first Monday of October of the following year, after taking nclex, we had moved into our new home and I returned to work after 12 blissful weeks of maternity leave. To say that I feel beyond blessed is an understatement.
It amazes me how much can happen in just one year. I know that it won’t always be like that. That just like there is a time for blessings there’s also a time for lessons. And trust and believe that I have had my fair share of lessons so it feels so good to finally see those lessons get rewarded. I had dreamed of this year so much and now that it’s finally here I can’t help but to feel grateful to my Heavenly Father for not forsaking me. Many times I thought these blessings would never come yet here they are.
Oh God, thank you so much for showing me favor and grace. I want to cherish this season of life for as long as it lasts. After all,
“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”
Matthew 6:25-27 NLT
My heart haven’t been any more joyful than in this season of life.
🙏🏽
My sweet Christian,
You are two month young already and my mommy heart is so full of love. We believe that you will be the last baby in this home and I want nothing more than for time to pass by as slow as possible because I want to enjoy every second of every minute of every hour with you. Baby boy I will never be able to express in words how happy I am that you are ours.
Being a mommy to your big brothers I felt prepared to welcome you, love you, and care for you just as I did for them but you have surprised me so much in so many ways. You are perfect in every way Christian. Day after day you seized to amaze me. How did I ever wish for a baby girl when God knew that you were exactly what we needed, what I needed.
Your first week home was both a beautiful bliss and a challenge as we struggled to adjust to life with a newborn, breastfeeding correctly, and making sure your big brothers didn’t feel left out but also being super protective of you. We came home shortly after twenty four hours and you started to lose weight rapidly. You dropped to 6lbs 3oz from 6 lbs 14oz and being that you weren’t back at your birth weight at one week old brought many concerns. It literally took two full weeks for you to gain weight and still you were a few ounces shy of your birth weight. We were very close to having to start you on formula which brought some sadness to me. Thankfully that was not necessary.
As the weeks went on and you and I bonded and worked on perfecting our feeding sessions things got easier. You for the most part had your own little schedule. I didn’t catch on to it till you were far into your fourth week. You fed every two hours and woke up twice over night. You were sleeping up to four hours stretches which was awesome but not too good due to the weight issue. You literally only cried when you were hungry or had a dirty/wet diaper.
By the start of your second week of life your belly button stump had fallen out. And by week three you were out on a bout ride. I didn’t take you out much. The heat was insane so we spent a lot of times indoors. You take 3mls of milk when I feed you via bottle, which by the way you are a champ and taking both the bottle and breast.
Your brothers are head over hills for you. They love you so much Christian, if you only knew. They both come running as soon as you start to cry and they demand I hold you, feed you, change you, or just make you stop crying ASAP! Not because they’re annoyed but because the can’t stand to see you cry regardless the reason. It is both the cutest and most frustrating thing because they don’t give me a chance to figure out which of the above is the reason that you are crying for. But I get it. They love you just as much as I do.
Your daddy is head over hills for you too. I love watching him interact with you. He seriously is the perfect daddy. I couldn’t have picked a better daddy for you and your brothers.
You are the youngest on both sides of the family and you have won everyone over. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. They all love you so much and come visit you all the time. It has been a busy month for sure.
You love to be taken out to the porch and being rocked on the swing. You are super alert and love looking at your surroundings. Bath time is another favorite. You would cry at first but after several baths you just lay there loving the water. You dislike being put in your car seat and car rides are a hit or miss. You like the car ride for the list part, is being in the car seat that you are not to fond of. You spend a lot of time on my chest. Many of your naps are spent there. Grandma says to stop letting you nap on me, that I’m spoiling you but I can’t help it. I know how fast this stage goes by and I don’t want to miss a second of it. So I’ll deal with those bad habits because they will soon be short lived.
At your one month check up you were 9lbs 1oz and 22in long. You got a vaccine and you were not happy about it. And everything else was great. Oh and can I just say how much you resemble your brother Adrian at your age! You two are like twins, seriously.
Happy One month baby boy. We love you so much and are so excited to have you be the missing piece to our puzzle.
2019 has been so good to me, to us. From traveling to Europe, to being pregnant with our third baby, to buying a home. Can this year get any better?!
So yeah, we bought a home.
We had plans to do so for a few years now but we wanted to wait till I had finished nursing school and had worked and saved a pretty penny. Plan was to start looking in April, after getting back from Europe but there were some things that we needed to do behind the scene prior to. After those things were settled we started to work with a bank and a realtor.
He started to actively look for a home in late June. We literally saw 3 to 4 homes every other day for several weeks. I was worried that this process would take a long time as I have seen it happened to others so I wasn’t really expecting to find a house that quickly but I was really hoping we did. We put in offers on about four homes including our current one. I was so close on giving up because I was frustrated at how expensive the homes were and the homes that I did like we’re out of our budget or had crazy taxes. Then those that were in budget were not what we wanted and had a lot of work to be done.
When we came across our home I wasn’t too thrilled about it. Matter of fact, hubby never showed me this home before booking a showing. I knew about it right when we drove into the drive way. I wasn’t impressed. But after walking through it I had fallen in love. There were some minor things that we didn’t like about it but somehow we found solutions for them even before we left the home. We ended up putting an offer right away but it wasn’t accepted. To say that we were disappointed is an understatement, I was truly torn. Then exactly 2 weeks later and after seeing many more homes we got a call from their agent asking if we were still interested. We revised our original offer and submitted it. They counter offer us, we liked what they had to say and just like that we had a deal. Those next six weeks were the longest most nerve-wrecking days of my life. I hated the waiting game. I had heard so many stories that did not end well and I was terrified that that would happen to us. I try to stay positive but it was so hard.
The week prior to closing there were so many paperwork and other things that needed to be done that I was honestly having major anxiety. Everyone always say “buy a house, it will be worth it, you’ll save money in the long run, you won’t regret it” but they never tell you how stressful it is to go through this process. Even the day of closing there were hiccups that needed to be dealt with or the deal was off. It was crazy. Then when we were at the office signing I honestly started to have palpitations and I was sweating like I had just ran a marathon all because I was double guessing if we were really making the right decision.
When it was all said and done we picked up the boys and headed up to the house and it all felt so right. Everything about this home felt so right. I really felt like we were home. Originally I had wanted to build a house but it was so hard trying to figure it all out not to mention that we needed a big down payment for the type of house we wanted because of course we didn’t want a cookie cutter and custom homes have the tendency to be pricey. It would had also taken a year or longer to be finished and ready for move in. So this route was without doubt the best move for us.
Today makes exactly a week since we closed on our house. We have done a lot of painting with a couple small projects and are hoping to be moved in by next week. The house was pretty much move-in ready but we wanted to do some changes to it, like the painting, before moving in any furniture.
The boys are super excited. We met all but one of the neighbors. We are in a cul-de-sac with about six homes. There are some children which is perfect because they are similar in age yo our boys and everyone have been super nice and have welcomed us with a big smile and kind words.
I personally feel beyond blessed. And I look forward to this next chapter in our lives.
They say each pregnancy is different and that each birth is unique. I had no doubt of that after having my first two boys being that their birth story were very different indeed. This time around I felt that I was well prepared for what was to come. Although, I was a bit worried remembering how fast things happened and how painful things were with Adrian. Yet nothing could have prepared me for what this delivery would be like.
It all started Monday July 15th. I had my 39 weeks appointment that morning and I was hoping that my body had made some sort of progress. I had my first cervix check at 36 weeks and had made no change as expected. Neither at 37 or 38 weeks, I was beginning to think that my body had forgotten what to do and so I joked about it every time someone asked me if I was dilated at all. This particular morning however, I was surprised to hear that I was 3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -2 station. I was extremely happy to hear that. Shortly after telling me that my midwife said "would you like me to do a membrane sweep?" I was definitively not expecting that because I was undertake impression that they were not doing that anymore. However my excitement took over and before even thinking about it the word yes had come out of my mouth. And just like that the labor process got a kick start.
I left the office feeling some sort of De Javu because that's how AJs labor started. Early in the morning. Same cervical progress. And a membrane sweep. I decided to go to the store to see if I found cute going home outfits because I had not purchased any being that we didn't know the gender. I was having some contractions but nothing strong or steady. I also called the hubby to let him know that today could possibly be the day and that he needed to be cautious of the amount of work he had schedule to do for the day because I didn't want him to miss birth as well.
After my store run I decided to go home. I ate pineapple and drank some raspberry tea. I figured it wouldn't hurt if this was indeed the beginning of the labor stage. Yet there were no contractions in the horizon. I remember hubby coming home and making some pot stickers we had bough earlier that week and I was really craving them. At around 7pm the contractions started to creep in. I decided to lay down and see if they would continue or stop. Indeed they continued about 10 mins apart or so, I wasn't really tracking them at that point. At 8pm I decided to track them and they were coming every 5 minutes and some every 3 minutes. After an hour of this I told hubby that maybe we should go in to the hospital so I called the On call provider. I was happy to hear that the doctor on call was one of my favorite ones. Actually when I had my OB appointment with her I remember thinking "I want her to deliver me." I had known her since she was a first year resident and here she was now running the show. Plus she is the most sweetest and humble person, she reminded me so much of the doctor who delivered AJ, who unfortunately for me, had moved to Texas a few months after. She told me to go in to rule out labor and so we started to gather our things and load the car.
At this point it was almost 9:30pm. We got on the road and dropped off the boys at their grandpas. Contractions were a bit strong but manageable and still coming every 3-5 minutes. We arrived at the hospital a little after 10pm and got checked in. We were put in a triage room where they started to monitor the contractions and baby's heart rate and they checked my cervix. I was the exact same as this morning. I was not happy to say the least. They told us to go for a walk and that they would recheck me in about 90 minutes. We walked for a little over an hour, contractions were getting stronger for sure so I decided to go back to the room.
Around midnight they came in to recheck me and I barely made any progress. They said I was still between 3-4cm and that they wouldn't even give me a 4. I honestly couldn't believe it. Y'all I was in pain! They even wanted to send me home. At this point I had not seen the "nice doctor" it seemed to be a busy night and she was delivering other babies. I heard her voice several times in different rooms as we walked the hallways. So I was being checked by residents. I didn't mind until this specific resident tried sending me home because according to her I wasn't in active labor. She asked us how far away we lived (which we only lived 15 minutes away) then she suggested that we go home, wait it out, and when the contractions got stronger that we come back in. I explained to her that I wasn't comfortable doing that because my last baby came super fast and I was instructed that if I ever got pregnant again that I should come to the hospital right away at he first sign of labor. She was not having it. She wanted us to go home but I stood my ground. I honestly did not feel comfortable with that decision. Not to mention that I was in a lot, a lot of pain. I even asked my nurse, how much more pain do I need to be in to come back if I go home. Her response, "Oh honey it will get a lot worse." Mind you, I wasn't being monitored either. At the end of it all they decided to give me another hour to see if I made progress, if I did not make any progress then I would be sent home. In the meantime I could get some Tylenol and Benadryl for "the pain". This was all some real BS.
There must have been some sort of emergency happening right next door to our triage room. It was about 1am and they were supposed to come recheck me but there was no sign of anyone. Everyone was moving really fast, all the doctors were in the room next door, and before you know it they were taking that poor lady to the OR. Meanwhile I was about to pass out from the intense pain I was experiencing. I told hubby to close the glass door because breathing through the contractions was not helping and that I really needed to scream. Suddenly I started to have flashbacks from AJs birth. The pain was unbearable. Tears were running down my cheeks nonstop. And I had officially lost controlled of the situation. I just couldn't keep up with my breathing through the contractions anymore.
It must have been after 2am when the doctors came in to check on me. Again the flashbacks. My contractions were too close together, I couldn't stay still and when they laid me flat for the check I just wanted to die. Even more so when they said I was still 3-4cm. I remember thinking "these residents don't have any idea what they are doing. Can't they see that I'm about to die from this pain. I cannot just be 3cm. That is impossible. I don't accept that." At least they noticed that my pain was so strong that they couldn't send me home. They agreed to keep me and admit but also start me on Pitocin to see if my body would respond to that. I agreed to the Pitocin as long as I got an epidural. Right away I was put on the monitor again and an IV was started. I had to take in a liter of fluids before getting the epidural.
At this point things are like a blur. The rest of this delivery story is from what I remember and what the hubby told me. I remember having to walk to my labor room which was at the end of the hallway. I had four contractions on my way there, meaning my contractions were at least a minute apart. I remember getting into the room and having hubby stop at the bathroom. I said I have to pee babe let me go in here quick. I lied, I had to poop but didn't want to tell him. I know what you are thinking, having the urge to poop pretty much means a baby is coming. But remember, I was only 3-4cm. There was no way I was about to have a baby. So I sat and pooped. Several minutes later I was ready to get up but friends, if I thought my contractions were intense before well there are no words to describe how painful my contractions had gotten after the bowel movement. I couldn't even get up from the toilet. My nurse came to check on me and when I told her that I had to poop again she said wait what, no we need to get up right now. We argued back and forth but I legit couldn't get up from the toilet and the urge to have a bowel movement intensified even more. Suddenly she got very firmed with me and told me that we were getting up, that we would not be delivering a baby in the toilet. And so she pretty much dragged me to the bed.
Again, more flashbacks from AJs birth. I was screaming y'all. Literally screaming from so much pain. Not only that but I was cursing up a storm. As my nurse called the doctor saying that something wasn't right and that I felt thinned to push, a bunch of staff entered my room. I think it was due to my screaming because I heard some ask "Is everything okay in here?"
One of the resident walked in and told me she needed to check me. Once she did I was 9cm. She tried explaining that I couldn't push, that if I did I would rip through my cervix and it would cause a lot of internal damage. She suggested they break my water and that chances were I would be fully dilated within seconds and that we would be ready to have a baby. She said that I probably wouldn't be able to get the epidural because I was moving too much and I needed to be very still. Also I wasn't done with my liter of fluids. I agreed to her breaking my water and it seriously took everything in me to not kick her as she did.
This part I remember so vividly that I don't think I will ever forget it. As soon as my water was broken I kept yelling for her to take her hands out. I said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I have to push" and with the little bit of strength I had left I pushed. I pushed so hard that my baby's head came right out. All I remember hearing was "We have a head. Don't push." Again all of this happened so fast. I again said that I had to push and the "nice doctor" grabbed my right leg while hubby grabbed my left leg and I just pushed. And just like that baby was all out, at 3:06am with two pushes. Two freaking pushes and that bizarre pain was gone. I felt so relief, Oh what a relief. Then hubby whispers to my ear "Is a boy." "Did you ear what I said Pam, It's a boy." But to be honest I was so out of it and so relieved that the only thing I could think about was that it was finally over.
Once they put the baby on my chest I turned to hubby and said "wait, you said its a boy?" Then someone in the room said, "you didn't know what you were having? OMG." and everyone laughed. After several minutes hubby's able to cut the umbilical cord. I remember having the shakes. The baby started too feed immediately after being placed on my chest.
We waited for the sign that my placenta was ready for delivery but that didn't happen right away. And I thought to myself "shit! it's not over yet." This processed seemed to last a while since my placenta did not want detach but it did so eventually. I required some stitches, they said it wasn't bad but due to the fast nature of things stitches were needed for sure. I was monitored for about an hour and then was transferred to the Mom & Baby Unit for the rest of my recovery and our hospital stay.
I honestly didn't expect for this delivery to happen this way. I was tad bit disappointed. I wanted to be in control, I didn't care whether or not I opted for an epidural but I did want to process to be a little less chaotic. I wanted pictures. I wanted our moms there. I wanted the big gender announcement recorded. I wanted this experience to be a good one, especially since we had agreed for this to be our last child. So I will admit that I feel robbed and cheated from my last birthing experience. It really makes me sad when I think back on how it all turned out. But I get it, each birthing experience is unique in its own way and I am thankful that both baby and I were good and healthy and that there were no complications. No preeclampsia like with AJ, not being bed bound for 24+ hours. As a matter of fact we were able to go home 24 hours after delivery so that is a good sign right.
And just like that we started the next chapter of our married life and family of five.
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if this is indeed our last baby, if this was my last pregnancy. My last time delivering a baby. What I do know is that I am savoring every second of every minute with this little peanut. We love you Christian Jeremiah. You were the missing puzzle piece and we our so glad you are here and are ours.
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