10 months already my baby. How time has flown by. It is all so exciting yet somewhat bittersweet. I remember like it was just yesterday you were still inside me. Kicking and hiccuping and growing. Now you're part of our world, our life, making everything so much better and fun.
Your bottom two teeth are in. All within a week of each other after teething for nine months. We first noticed your first tooth on October 6. I was shocked and sort of upset since your auntie noticed it first because you bit her finger. What a way to tell her you missed her.
You've been standing on your own for quite long. No support at all. Hopefully that means we'll have a walker for your birthday celebration. Which by the way has kicked off great in the planning department. So far location has been picked and booked. Date is set. Theme picked. And a couple of DIY projects are on the making. I am so excited to celebrate your first year of life. Well I'm sure we all are but I like to think I'm just a tiny bit more excited ;)
You are still not saying much in the speech department besides the same as last month and more mama. You also babble away at everything like you understand what's going on and thinking e understand what you are saying to. But I could of swore I heard you say sit while watching TV. Kind of repeating the word. I just stood there with my eyes wide open as well as my mouth. In complete shock not knowing if I heard that right or not. I haven't heard you say it again so who knows.
You are starting to understand commands. For example when you are crawling towards something and we call your attention and say "AJ no" you stop. Or when we call you over to us you come. If we ask you to give us something you are playing with you hand it to us. And you share. Yes it may mostly be food but you willingly give it to us when we ask. Makes me so proud.
You dislike having anything on your feet or head. Hats? No way. Shoes? Are you kidding me? And socks? Lets not even go there. I get the socks. Is no help when crawling and trying stand since you keep slipping and that's not safe. And shoes, we can even say its plainly annoying to have on. I know I'd rather have just socks or slippers. But why not hats? You look so adorably handsome with them on. And they keep you warm with the chilly weather. So what's the big deal? You don't even like when others were them. If it's at reach you go straight for it pulling hats or socks off. Although sucks us a bit harder for you too pull off yourself.
You like to throw things. And what a throw you have. Be it food or your socks and shoes or toys oops there it goes. I like to think that that's your way of rebelling at this age. You can't really talk. And we don't understand exactly what you want need so to get your point across you throw things. It's def not a game. Is more you not wanting it and not eating it or leaving it on even if we beg. Oye.
We wanted to sign you up for swimming class on Saturdays with your brother unfortunately we did it a day too late because it was all booked. I hope we catch the next sign up on time. Thinking back to Puerto Rico and how much you loved the ocean and how you like bath time at home I'm sure you'll love swimming class.
Every month it gets harder and harder to take your pictures. I have to bribe you with either a cell, a toy, or food and even with all that you end up crying. That's my cue that you've had enough and I need to end it NOW. Lately I've been noticing that when you cry you put your fingers in your mouth. I find it so adorable, I don't know why. Probably because you do it to get your way, of that I am sure. You stinker.
Love,
Mommy
Marie from Candidly Marie is hosting mini-linkup on Thursdays about being thankful during this month.
Sometimes we don't appreciate what we've been blessed with be it a person, a place, an event, and so on. Not to say that just because is November, a month for giving thanks, that we should go all year without being thankful for what we have. But I guess we're reminded more this time of year to go a little further and show our gratitude. Last week topic was A Person. I appreciate every single person in my life for putting up with me ;) but there's one in particular that I'd like to recognize on this link up and that's my husband.
We're high school sweethearts and that means he has put up with me for over 8 years now. We both know I am not the easiest person and I can be a bit stubborn, as can he. Yet even so he decided to spend the rest of his life with me. Me. And I will be forever flattered and grateful for that.
Not only that but he has been an amazing father and a great provider. Providing for his family comes first in his book. He's so understanding about my school and supports me 100%. He works hard to allow me to work a part time so that I can be home more with the boys. Yes night shift has been rough on us and he much rather have me working a "normal" schedule but he understands is what works for now.
Thank you for being who you are my love. For loving me. For being on my side. I know I don't say it enough but I hope you never doubt my love for you.
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I never knew how much I would enjoy breastfeeding like I do now. Even with Steven Jr. I liked it. But I wasn't able to experience it as long as I did now. And now, now I can truly say I love it! AJ and I have created such a tight bond with each other.
I feel blessed and fortunate that I was able to breastfeed AJ this long. I know many don't get the opportunity to fulfill this want for several reasons. And although I would love to continue exclusively breastfeeding him till one I have to be realistic and not let myself become selfish and deprive him of the nourishment that he needs. I have been optimistic hoping that I would be able to bounce back up and increase my supply. Even if its only by 2 more ounces. Unfortunately, that road looks very dark. I have tried it all. From fenugreek, mother's milk tea, brewer's yeast, flex seed oil, lactation cookies, over pumping, increasing my food and drink intake, power feeding/pumping. I've done it all and nothing (At least nothing until two weeks later, thank you Jesus).
Just a couple of weeks ago I was only able to pump between 1.5-2.5 ounces at each pumping session. Which gives me just about a 6oz bottle daily. Not bad. I use that bottle to leave it for my mom to use for bedtime feeding. Problem is that AJ still wakes up once overnight. He keeps switching up on me, that kid. And when he wakes up he needs milk and I am not meeting his demand. So what do I do? I can't starve my kid.
Not to mention my freezer stash is gone. About 2 months ago I lost it all. The freezer door was left open and the 100 ounces I had there was unfrozen and warm. Definitely not good (we also lost our meat and seafood but that was beside the case for me). Ever since then I've been holding on to a thin thread with leaving enough milk for my baby when I'm at work. It's been working. But it's also been getting harder and harder. Especially because I've been working more days closer together. Three weeks back was the downfall. I worked three days in a row, one off, one one, one off, one on, three off. That definitely had me on the verge. I cried at every pumping session because stuffing my mouth with cookies and tea and pills had not been working. Well if anything at least it kept my supply steady at 2 ounces instead of dropping more so I'm thankful for that.
At the end of it all however I had a decision to make. And it all comes down to supplementing. I'm staying positive about it and keeping in mind that I will continue to mainly breastfeed is making things easier. I only need the formula for night feedings when I'm away but I will continue to pump at work and home and feed throughout the day everyday. So that's not too bad.
How AJ will feel about that is another story.
What about if he enjoys the fast flow of formula in a bottle more and refuses my breast milk? Or what if he doesn't want anything to do with the formula at all?
Freaking out now.
Again I'm staying optimistic that maybe using formula will buy me a little bit of time to get my supply to increase and the pressure won't be as high because my baby is still meeting his daily intake. And because I'm pumping a 6oz bottle over night/a day I can probably use that and split in in half to mix with the formula so that he's still getting most of his milk intake from my breast milk.
Does that make sense or am I just in denial mode?
By no means am I put down formula or mothers who formula feed. Bottom line is that this is personal choice and we mothers decide what will work best for us and what will benefit our babies and to me breastfeeding is my preferred method of feeding my child.
The way he depends on me to provide for him. The way he caress my face, sort of like thanking me. The way he kicks his little feet or brings it close to my face so that I can tickle him with my nose. The way he has made a game out of putting his fingers in my mouth for me to bite gently, then he giggles and pulls it out then does it again. How he fits perfectly into my arms and we spend hundreds of seconds just staring at each other. Noticing every feature. Every imperfection. These are the things I will miss most when the end comes. I pray to God that I don't forget these moments. I will treasure them to the best of my ability. And for now I will just have to cherish the last few days. Or weeks. hopefully months. Because either way the end was almost near.
Often times we tend to complain about the smallest things in life. Things that may or may not be important. Things that we take too seriously and give too much thought too. Things that, simpy put, really don't matter. Much.
Where am I going with this?
Well today something happened to me. Not me personally but someone close to me. And this thing served as a reminder for what I should really be focusing on in life and what I should be doing daily. Be Thankful. Thankful for all that I have which some people lack. Example, a home.
The past several months I've been feeling defeated. Unlucky in some aspects of life. I've felt angry at some people I interact with almost daily and some whom I don't even know too well due to their behavior, and one in particular that's no longer with me. Angry at myself for past actions. Lots of tears have been shed while in the shower or doing the dishes. Sometimes even during a diaper change when I'm home alone. I was beginning to think an unwanted friend (PPD) was lingering around. It was that bad.
I asked and asked why me? Why was I going through this? Why me?!!! When all along I should had been asking what was the message being sent? Or what lesson was I being taught? I needed to look at things differently. And still should. Instead of focusing on the bad and the why I need to look at the bright side of things. Find the good in every situation. Think positive and always always have a smile on my face. Because even if I'm feeling down something as simple as a smile can change ones day. Whether is myself or a stranger walking by. You just never know how much of an influence one can be and how easily contagious a type of attitude can be.
So this thing that happened today. It concerns someone's health. A very sad but true reality. Something you can't ignore. Things like this is what we need to focus on and worry about. Something that's worth crying for and feeling defeated. But even with that we should still be thankful. Because there's a lesson behind it, if not for oneself for someone close to us.
After hearing this news I began to think about my family. My kids. My self. How lucky we are to be healthy. To be alive. How lucky I was to be in good health. Suddlenly all those feelings I had of feeling angry and defeated went away because it didn't matter much. I was alive and healthy. Healthy! and I should be thankful for that. Even if everything is not going as I would hope I'm still here. With my senses intact to enjoy my kids, my family, the season.
Life is not easy. Or fair. But we are here for a reason. With a purpose. We shouldn't waste our life away or take anything for granted. We should take advantage of every second we are given and make the best out of it because our days are numbered and we never know when our end will come. Or when our health will no longer be in good condition.
So this month, being that is the time of Thanks Giving, I am challenging myself to think positive, see the good in everything, and be thankful every single day. No matter the situation.
I'm going to make a list of everything I'm thankful for after really paying attention. Even if its the smallest thing ever. Then I'm going to share it here. To have in writing and be able to refer back to it when I'm feeling down or defeated. Today I'm thankful for my health and that of my family.
I challenge you to do the same. What are you thankful for?
“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” – Paulo Coelho
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