Back in November we had our family pictures for 2014. Anyone who know me knows that I am a sucker for pictures. I love to be in front and behind the camera. Although this year came short to last year’s amount of pictures taken by yours truly, I could not end the year without our family photos which I try to have done yearly. I’ve always wanted a fall outdoor photo shoot, the scenery this time of year is just breath-taking. So back in October when I contacted our local photographer to book a date and she had multiple dates to choose from I was over the moon. We had originally booked for November 2 and due to the windy weather (worse part of a fall photo shoot) we had to reschedule to the following weekend. I was a tad bit worried because I didn’t know what to expect from the weather but thankfully it wasn’t as bad as the weekend before.
So, on this Saturday afternoon we headed down to a nearby park to capture some photos. Being that we were standing still most of the time it felt pretty cold so we literally stood there for about an hour if that. I have to admit though, the photos came out lovely. The kiddos behaved better than expected and I got my family photos in the beautiful fall scenery.
I wonder if I could try convincing the family for a winter family photo shoot for next year, snow and all of course...
This has got to be the worse timing for me to feel this way being that is November and all and I should be thankful for all that I have. Not everyone can be as fortunate as I am to be where I am and have what I have today. Yet for some reason I can't help but to be honest with myself and jot down how I'm feeling. Afterall this is why I blog, to chronical my married life. The good, the bad, the adventures, and frustrations.
So on this cold and late night in November, as I rock my 22 months old to sleep, I have a few confessions to record.
1. I feel like I've wasted the last eight years of my life. I'm still struggling to finish my nursing degree which at this point I can't even consider it a nursing degree since I've yet to be accepted to the nursing program.
2. I'm scared. Although I try to stay positive I can't help but to worry about the possibility of not making the cut to the nursing program. Acceptance letters go out in June 2015 which is still 7+ months away and everyday as I see my struggle to be a FT working mother of 2 and housewife I fear that all the sacrifices I am making to balance it all will be for nothing.
3. I was nuts to think that going back to school while still working 40 hrs a week and having to take care of the demands of a family wasn't going to be too hard.
4. I cry at least once a week because I feel like I can't handle it all, like there's something I fail at regardless of how hard I work. It's so hard!
5. I feel like I'm being selfish because I chose to want to further my education. I'm missing out on time with my boys and even though I know is for a better future I still feel guilty because I will never gain back these years.
6. Sometimes I want to take a personal day from work and not tell my husband or mother so that I'm not asked what's for dinner? Or can you pick up Steven at school today? Does that make me a bad person?
7. I'm guilty of letting my husband crash on the couch so that he keeps me company while I make lunches and clean the kitchen. I don't care if he's snoring away as long as he's in the other room, it makes me feel a little better.
8. There's been several occasions where I've walked in my bedroom to find my husband and two kids sound as sleep in my comfy bed and I have turned right around to my son's room and have crashed on his bed because I've been too tired to carry them back to their rooms. Call it lazy if you must, I call it being smart. I get my own bed at least for one night and I don't have to wake up for middle of the night cries.
9. I'm thisclose on calling it quits on the workforce for a little while. Enough said. Do you blame me?
10. Even with all my frustration in this journey I have to pat myself on the back for maintaining an A average in both of my classes. I'm determine to achieve my highest goals no matter the struggles. I just have to understand that there'll be times when I'll feel like it'll never end or get better and when those times come I have to remember that I'm closer today than I was yesterday.
Happy Hump Day!
As much as I love having my boys with a little gap in between I have a confession to make.
Sometimes I wish the gap between them was a lot less.
Let me explain.
Steven is at a stage in life where he thinks that he knows it all and he's never wrong. I wonder what the teenage year will bring. He wants to do whatever he wants and wants nothing to do with arts and craft projects or coloring. Whereas AJ, well that little peanut even when he's saying no to everything he still enjoys doing anything and everything you put in front of him. Most time anyways.
They both have different interest at their specific age and I'm finding that hard to keep up with. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my time management and priorities. I do have to cook and clean and make lunches so the little bit of time left is critical on whatever we do. How do I meet both of their needs? So I've been thinking. It has to be the age thing right? If they were closer in age they might have similar interest.
It makes me sad to think of the very likely possibility of a similar gap with future children. I'm getting ahead of myself I know but I can't help but to think about it. I'm thankful for the relationship my two boys have developed over the last 21 months. They were meant to be each other sibling and maybe the gap is not that big of a deal and I'm just being a little selfish wanting things to be a little easier for my own sake.
Yet I simply wonder how things would be if they were closer in age. I guess I shouldn't wonder too much because if the tables were to turn I could find myself wondering how things would be if such gap did exist. :-/
Although Fall officially started two weeks ago and there are a few decorations popping up around the house for me the season doesn't feel like it should until we enter the month of October. I don't know why but the changing leaves, pumpkin spice coffees, chilly weather, scarfs, boots and sweater wearing are true signs of Autumn. I can't wear boots in September or even go to the pumpkin patch. I just can't. I associate September with the ending of summer, is a time to transition to the cooler weather and little by little start welcoming the festivities that leads to the end of yet another year.
I have so much plan or the coming weeks and months. For starters check out our Fall Bucket List.
Exciting right!
Obviously the tailgating is an adult only event. We did it last year for the first time with cousins and it was such a great time. This year we're going to see the biggest game of the year, Penn State vs Ohio State. Is a night game and I was told an all white game. I don't know what to expect but I am very excited!
I'm looking forward to recreate a picture we did with the kids last year at the pumpkin patch and to take AJ to Halloweekend at Dorney. It will be so much better then last year since he didn't quite understand hat was going on being only nine months old.
I've been wanting a Fall photo shoot since like forever and my plan is to get it done this year. I'm already in the works for booking it with our local photographer for the end of the month. I just want to make sure that we get a great day with beautiful scenery. Even tour dog is participating in this photo shoot. :D
I don't decorate for Halloween per say but I've been eyeing these Pinterest inspired door decorations for the rooms on the second floor. I want to decorate them while the kids are asleep or while they're out of the house so that they may be a little surprise when they see it. I wonder how AJ will act. hahaha
I'm so lucky to live in a state where I have the best of all seasons, this time being Autumn.
Happy Fall!
I have so much plan or the coming weeks and months. For starters check out our Fall Bucket List.
Exciting right!
Obviously the tailgating is an adult only event. We did it last year for the first time with cousins and it was such a great time. This year we're going to see the biggest game of the year, Penn State vs Ohio State. Is a night game and I was told an all white game. I don't know what to expect but I am very excited!
I'm looking forward to recreate a picture we did with the kids last year at the pumpkin patch and to take AJ to Halloweekend at Dorney. It will be so much better then last year since he didn't quite understand hat was going on being only nine months old.
I've been wanting a Fall photo shoot since like forever and my plan is to get it done this year. I'm already in the works for booking it with our local photographer for the end of the month. I just want to make sure that we get a great day with beautiful scenery. Even tour dog is participating in this photo shoot. :D
I don't decorate for Halloween per say but I've been eyeing these Pinterest inspired door decorations for the rooms on the second floor. I want to decorate them while the kids are asleep or while they're out of the house so that they may be a little surprise when they see it. I wonder how AJ will act. hahaha
I'm so lucky to live in a state where I have the best of all seasons, this time being Autumn.
Happy Fall!
***I have a new bloggy friend. Lola @Lolasworldunveiled go check her out, you will love her!***
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons