Plain and simple, I can't hang.

I'm not the kind of girl that drinks all day and dresses up at night to continue drinking at a club and make it home at 7am. Even if I don't have my kids around. 

I've always wondered how my friends do it? How do they go out and drink their asses off to come home the next morning and not feel hangover, well most times anyways. If I go out drinking all night I would need at least 48 hours if not longer to recuperate. #truestory  I always felt left out, like if I was missing out on something fun but after this Miami trip, which is something I've always wanted to do meaning a girls trip, I've only came to the conclusion that I'm not about that life. I can't be out all night. I rather be in bed by 11pm after kissing my kids goodnight and calling it a day rather than just start off the night. 

I mean, there's no judgement on those that are about that life and those that can hang, more kuddos to you. 

It's funny. I've never been about the partying life. I did it in high school and it was more to hang out with my friends than anything but if I remember correctly by 11pm I wanted nothing more than to be home. So why have I been trying to be someone else all these years? Why do I try to force myself to like the things that I don't truly enjoy? Why can't I just be happy with the person that I am? And be content with the things that I do like and enjoy, with the things that make me who I am. I really need to stop worrying about what others think and how others feel about me because the only person who that should matter to is me. 

I really hope that I don't forget this. And I have a feeling that I never will after Miami. I do enjoy to dance and have an alcoholic beverage with close family and friends but if there's one thing I need to be clear about is that I am not a party girl, never was, and never will be. I'll let my sister hold the throne for that while I just sit home and sip on wine, read books, and bake ;) 

Thank You Miami, for opening my eyes to what I really like and want. 

Currently, at this stage of my life, as I pursue an education in the medical field while being a mom of two and playing the current role of a wife and part time employee she has been picking up the slack around the house with the cleaning. Some days I come home overwhelmed with brand new information that was introduced to my brain or simply stressed after studying for the back to back exams I have at the end of the week and the last thing I want to do is clean the dishes and sweep the floor covered in dog hair and it's like this wonderful lady reads my mind because on days like these I walk in to a freshly clean house. 

Other days she does my laundry as well as that of the rest of the family and as if that wasn't enough she folds it all for me! She folds my laundry guys!!! 

She will also take the kids to the park or to run errands with her to provide me some alone time to get school work done, after having watched my kiddos since the early morning. 

She cooks at least 3x a week for us. 

She'll babysit for us over the weekend either in the morning when hubby has to work or in the evenings for us to go out with friends or got us to have date nights.

But more importantly she provides me with the greatest love there is, the love of a parent to a child. She lets me vent to her, she makes me laugh, she takes me shopping, she gives me advice, and she continuously shows me how much she loves me with all the small gestures she does. 

Having my mother move in with us has been for sure a blessing and I don't think I could ever find the perfect gift  to give her as my token of appreciation. All I can do is say Thank You! and hope that somehow, someway she'll realize just how much I truly mean those words. 

I love you mom, I thank God for blessing me with a mom like you. XOXO 

Pamela 29 years old

Lito (foster child) 11 years old

Steven Jr 10 years old

Adrían 3.5 years old

King Piggy 5 years old

Friday July 8, 2016

0430 | Hubby wakes me with a kiss before he leaves for work. I mumble the word "I love you, have a blessed day" and carry on to my sleep.

0515 | My first alarm goes off and it continues to go off every 15 minutes as I carry on to hit snooze. For a while now I've been wanting to start my day early because I feel that there are not enough hours in a day for me to do all the things I want. It's been working out OK but sometimes I still don't get out of bed as early as I want, specially when I have my 9 o'clock class or when I have nothing to do early in the morning.

Yesterday after a very overwhelming day with a house full of kids (5 total) Steven and I sat outside on the porch and drank some wine while the kids watched movie. We ended up going to bed a little after midnight and this morning I don't feel like waking up this early.

0630| I finally decide to wake up and as I turn and toss thinking about which side of the bed I want to get out of. I feel my whole body aching, even more than yesterday. This is the only thing I don't like about going to the gym, feeling the muscle aches several days later once you start to feel comfortable with the workouts.

0645| I start to get ready and really have no desire to. I skipped out of doing my hair last night and now I will pay for it because I have no idea how to style it. Styling my hair when it's not blow dried has been a challenge ever since I transitioned and trust me, it is no fun. You'd think that at almost thirty years old one would be able to manage their hair appropriately.

I begin to get ready and it honestly takes me an hour and some change to finish dressing up because I find a million other thing to do than what I should be doing. It never fails. My energy level is at its peak minutes after I rise from bed. I started by cleaning the room, making the bed, cleaning corners, separating laundry, and getting my clothes ready. Thankfully I had decided on what I wanted to wear last night. I head to the bathroom and wash my face, brush my teeth, etc. All this takes me about 15 minutes and I move onto the bedroom to get dressed. I return to the bathroom to do my hair. Now that I think about it I wish I would had taken a picture of my hair after waking up because that was not pretty hahaha, maybe that was done intentionally. Anyways so I finished washing my hair, a partial wash which pretty much entails rinsing with conditioner, and I fixed it to the best of my ability being tired and lacking caffeine. By that point it's 745, it took me an entire hour to make my bed wash my face get dressed and do my hair and setting a side my makeup. 

As I get started on my make up I realize that I still have to cook something for breakfast (and then I wonder why I'm always running late). I try multitasking on applying makeup while making coffee and making myself a spinach and chicken omelette with some leftover chicken breast from lunch this week. It turned out to be pretty good but it was nothing like the one I had at the diner the other day. I look at the table and at the mess of school papers from the night before from when "I attempted" to do homework. Something that should have taken me 1.5hrs max took about four hours and I didn't even get to finish it all because I had a house full of kids, crazy, hyper, and very active kids so there was no kind of concentration whatsoever.

This morning I go in to check on the kids before heading downstairs and I see this. 5 bedrooms in our home and they all decide to sleep together on the floor. Is this a a boy thing?

When the hubby came home I poured us some wine and we sat outside on the swing and before we knew it was 11 o'clock so there went the rest of my studying. This morning I had planned to wake up early go to the gym, make my kids pancakes before I left, and maybe read of the assignment for today but as you have guessed none of that was done. Absolutely nothing. And that my friend is a regular morning in the life. I go to bed with an idea in mind of what I want to do the next morning but when the morning comes I get one thing done, if that, out of all those things that I wanted to do.

0822 | I get on the road heading on my way to school and like always I can't leave on time. I always try to leave by 815am to have some time before the professors arrive but it never works out to be that way. Although I'm only 10 minutes away and I will still be there early I want to get myself into the habit of getting places early and not "on time" like I currently do. I meet up with two classmates and we take our usual walk to the classroom. Class started a little after 9 AM, today we're starting the lecture Fluids & Electrolytes. Yippee!

1030 | By this point I'm over the lecture. I am completely lost. We got divided into our clinical groups to do case studies and since I was unprepared to class by not finishing my prep work I had no idea what was happening. Luckily our case study involved blood transfusion and I'm familiar with that so I was able to contribute a bit. I've started recording the lectures so I plan on going back to it at some point before finishing my study guide for this test. 

1120 | class is dismissed!

We walk toward our cars as I message my cousin about picking up her little sister to take her swimming with us. It takes me about 10 minsutes to hear back from her at which point I have to decide whether to go East or West on the highway. She responds just in time and I head East. It takes me almost 2o minutes to get to her house only for her to tell me that her fiancé doesn't think is a good idea that I take the kids because "they can't really swim and they don't listen". I was livid! I was one minute away from her house when she tells me this BS.

"Whatever" I said, and continued home.

Seconds later I get another call, my BIL is at my house and no one is answering the door. He tells me that he will just drive to his house and wait for us there while I figure out where my mom went with the boys. I call her and she tells me that she just dropped the boys at the Boys & Girls Club and that she had just arrived at her sister's house but she agrees on bring AJ home for me (she'll do anything to be kids free earlier than she has to hahaha). I call back my BIL to have him pick up Lito and Steven while I go home to get our swimming clothes, sunscreen, and towels.  

Soon after getting that all squared away the hubby calls. He's getting out of work early and practice for the baseball tournament was cancelled so he wanted to go swimming. He didn't know that I was ten step ahead of him :). We then agreed to meet at his father's house.

1230 | About an hour of driving around for nothing and six phone calls later and I am finally home. Honestly as soon as I walked in all I felt like doing was taking nap. I felt so tired and the silence within the house was so tempting that I just sat on the edge of my bed for a good 15 mins of just doing nothing. Have you ever done that? just sit, or stand, without a thought in your head and just unwind? Well if you haven't I really recommend it, it is super relaxing and much needed for your sanity ;)

1245 | I start to gather our things and put a load of laundry in the wash. I call my mom to see what's taking her so long and even though she's telling me that she's leaving now I have the feeling that she's no where near leaving so I just tell her that I will go pick him up. My suspictions turn out to be true because she quickly replied "ok great!".

I finish packing a loaf of slice bread, ham, cheese, go-gurts, and watermelon to feed the kids inbetween swimming then I head out. I talk to the hubby again and he will be bringing over some wine to sip on, now that's what I'm talking about. Thank God Is Friday! too bad I work in the morning.

As I'm driving I jam to my Enrique Iglesias Pandara station. I snap a couple of pictures. Per snapchat, the weather is currently 90 degrees and it definitely feels like it. I can't wait to get in the pool.

1320 | I pick up my little monster and he quickly looks for his picture that I keep on my dashboard, since he doesn't see it he asks me where it is and I tell him it fell and it must be under the seat. He asks me why and why don't I get it. Oh Aj. We have a little talk about swimming and using lifejackets but he says that he's a big boy and that he doesn't need a lifejacket becaused he knows how to swim and he's not going to drown. We discussed the importance of wearing lifejacket when in the pool but he is not having it because "he's not a baby". Oh dear.

1330 | We're finally here! I get a phone call from SIL from Cali. She wants to know AJ's clothes size because she's going through her son's clothes and she wants to see if there's anything she can to send him before donating them. I of couse am please because that's less shopping we have to do for him. We talk for a max of 5 minutes and we end the call. The kids all change and jump in the pool right away. BIL takes AJ with him in the pool so I lay back and just relax. I still feel like taking a nap but there's no way that's going to happen while kids are jumping in the pool every 3 minutes. I contemplate doing some studying but I have no motivation. I keep looking at my backpack knowing that I really should do something, anything, but there's not a cell in my body that takes the lead by reaching for it so I let it go.  

1400-1730 | We swim and eat sandwiches, snack on watermelon, snap some pictures , and plainly have fun. Hubby comes over after his haircut and joins us in the pool. I didn't get to eat a sandwhich so he orders pizza for us. We agree on it being dinner since it's later in the day by the time we get it and the kids will be snacking on popcorn later tonight while watching a movie. Hubby, BIL, and I talk about random things while we sip on wine.

This all happens at the same time and whithin a matter of minutes. I decide to start writing the post for DITL as hubby walks in with the pizza. The boys are playing with a football in the pool and AJ is playing with his toys on the deck. I look over to my right and glance at hubby taking the pizza to the table but I immediately return my attention to my phone and hear AJ say "yayyy pizza". Less than 5 seconds later I look to my left and don't see AJ, instead I hear small hand splashes and see the crown of a head above the water. I quickly yell "Babe AJ!" I get up and before I take a step closer to the pool hubby jumps in clothes and all, grabs him, and hands him over to me. I pat his little back as he coughs up any water he swallowed. This was so freaking scary! My heart sank!

After everything slows down we asked AJ why did he jump in the water without his lifejacket (remember that talk he and I had in the car about lifejackets? well never did I imagined that this could actually happened) or mommy or daddy and his response was just "I wanted to swim with my brother". We had a very serious talk with our boy about getting in any pool without an adult regardless of having a lifejacket on or not and I honestly think that after that scared he gets it now. He randomly repeated the rest of the day that he would not jump in the pool without his lifejacket and I kept finding him starring at the jacket like they were having a silent conversation. It all happened so fast that no one inside even noticed or would have known if we wouldn't have said anything.

I was embarrassed to mention this on this post. I  felt ashamed for taking my eyes off my baby, but I thought I'd share anyways to remind you, anyone who could be reading this, that it only take seconds for a tragedy to happen. Please keep all your senses fixed on your surroundings especially when there are kids around, even if they are not your own. You could save someone's life.

1800 | We packed our belongings and drove home. It took about 15 minutes. We had the kids jump in the shower while hubby and I  figured out where we were going to go for date night. We haven't been out in a while. We decide to go to Brewworks and my cousin and her fiancé are planning on joining us. 

A little after 7pm I jump in the shower to start getting ready and hubby followed a little while after.  Sometime after I headed upstairs my brother showed up with his daughters. He was going to babysit for us. My cousin told us that she would be here by 8pm and surprisingly hubby and I were both ready on time (that hardly ever happens) unfortunately for us we waited over an hour for them. They didn't show up until after 8:30pm and by the time we got to Brewworks it was almost 9pm. I was worried that my brother was going to back out of babysitting because he had his girls with him and he worked in the morning. Thankfully he didn't but I did had to bribe him with $$$. There's no  family loyalty anymore hahaha. 

While we waited we sat outside and just chilled. I mean what else could we to do? Naila, Emiyah, and AJ sat outside with us and I snapped a few pics of them and us while thinking about adding them to the post. I love how much they each love each other and how well they play together. As we continue to became adults I see our littles playing together and creating loving relationships and memories that I can't help but to reminisce on my own youth with my cousins and how much has changed since. This is definitely Bittersweet. 

This waiting phase would have been perfect if my older child would have waited for us to finish dressing so that we can played the Bean Boozled game. I wanted to play before leaving and I thought I would have been perfect to make a collage of all of our face reactions but my impatient child went ahead and did it himself with Lito. They even recorded and uploaded a YouTube video about it. YouTube has been his latest addiction. 

2045 | We started our double date night. Once there we ordered drinks, food, and had conversations upon conversation about everything from wedding to being in our early 20s to the craziest things we've been exposed to with our friends. It was such a good time, I'm so glad we did it. We were here until a little past 11pm and it was worth every minute. Some days adult times is all you need to unwind from the week whether it was a good or bad one. And some days you simply need adult time with no little rascals running circles around you ;) 

Once at home our kiddos were in their bed and we got a report from my brother. We all said our goodbyes and while the hubby closed doors and set alarms I prepped my work clothes for the morning ahead. Lucky enough we made it to bed before midnight calling it a double win. 

We started planning my cousin's bachelorette party for July to be held at Ocean City, MD. I'm really excited for that! Also her bridal shower is this month and she's doing a fantastic job with the details. I'm really excited for that too.

We ended the month honoring those who have served our country by grilling out and enjoy family time in FILs pool. Lots of food, piña colada, and margaritas were had. I love how hubby's family are always doing family activities to keep the family together. 

It's hard to believe that we're adults ourselves now and pretty soon it will be up to us to maintain the family. It's a bittersweet feeling. There are 5 grandkids now and to think that this is only the beginning is both exciting and scary, gosh, we're really adults now with our own little families!