That moment when you
feel down and defeated. When you know you are so blessed yet you can't get out
from your funk. You start to see the worse out of every situation and can't
even make sense of everyday things.
Then you wake up one
morning feeling hopeful. You start your day with a positive view on life and
decide that today WILL be different. You will have faith and you will think
positive. Then you turn around and everything starts go go wrong. You spill
your coffee creamer and now you have a mess to clean up, you notice the time
only to see that it's a lot later than you thought it was, you walk out the
door only to find that it is cold and you're not even wearing your coat because
you know, not enough time for that. Your windshield is frosted and you did not
warm up your car like you have been doing. You are rushing to clinical but there's not point in rushing
because you are late already. As you speed walk through the hospital hallway
toward the elevator you get stopped by a classmate who's lost and running late
herself for her OR experience so you can't just leave her hanging. Yup
definitely late for clinical. It just can't get any worse can it?
Oh yes it can.
You are giving meds
today with your instructor and as things seem to be slowing down you make
stupid mistakes like scanning the meds before the patient which gets pointed
out by your instructor by the way. A
couple other mistakes later and your instructor points out that "you're
not really paying attention to what you're doing", OMG I want to die! What
is happening with me? Not here too, please not here too. This is a safe zone. I
guess not today it's not.
I'm definitely
dreaming. This is really not happening. I just want to go home and hide in my
bed under lots of blankets and start over tomorrow.
Then the greatest of
things happen. You begin conversation with a nurse only to realize 2 minutes
later that you're not really having a conversation with her. God is using her
to give you a message. He wants you to know that you are not forgotten. He sees
you, hears you, and gets you but you need to be patient but It will be always
on his time not yours.
Several minutes
later you feel confident and
Say "I believe
that. I receive that". The nurse gives you confused look and you say
"I really needed this. Thank you". And she says "oh yea? Well,
it was no coincidence".
My heart sank. Once
again the Grace of God has reached me. Things started to look up from there as
I meditated on the words that came out of her mouth. There'll never be enough
words to express my Thankfulness for his Grace :)
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