Someone once asked me,
"Would you rather live a moment in time that you have always wanted to experience but have no memory of it whatsoever?"
Or
"Would you rather have tons of pictures of a moment in time and have it feel so real yet have never truly experienced it?"
I went back and forth thinking what I would want and I remember saying I rather live the moment even if I won't remember it. That was back 10+ years ago, when I didn't quite understand the true purpose of a photograph.
After this eventful summer and realizing the lack of pictures I've collected to remember it all I've changed my mind. A picture is worth a thousand words. A photograph tells a story even years down the road when that story have been forgotten, or rather stored way back in your loss memories.
When I was in California last month, I decided to go through my cell and remove some pictures to make room for new ones. I usually store my pictures in shutterfly because I get great deals on photo books and prints. I went ahead and separated the pictures into albums and as I looked back at all the pictures I've gathered since 2007 it hit me. A picture is worth a thousand words. Why haven't I been snapping away the past six months like I normally do? The happiness I felt from looking back at old pictures and seeing how much my 8 year old have changed over the years was priceless.
In 2013 I collected over 5,000 pictures and this year so far I don't come nearly as close. What happened to me? All the memories from this summer that I've only stored in my mind is bound to end up in the lost memories bucket eventually and here I am allowing that to happen. Thinking ahead into the future I want to be the old lady that has boxes upon boxes filled with pictures of her youth and growing family. I want to be able to share them with my children future wives and their children.
I never got the chance to sit with my grandmother and ask her about her youth or how her marriage to my grandfather was. I never got the chance to ask her to tell me about my father and how he was when he was a kid and as my age. What she remembered most about her life, if she had any regrets, did she ever thought she would have 13 kids? How did raising 13 children affect her and changed her? So many question and now I'll never know. That makes my heart feel so hurt. It makes me angry that I allowed the distance to come between the relationship I could of had with this special and admirable woman. I see this as a lesson to be learned from. I want my 50+ year old self to make it a priority to build great relationships with her grandchildren. I'm glad to have realized now the importance of a photograph. Now is a even more as important for me to snap away at every opportunity. To have stories to tell and show at my old age.
Life is so precious. There's so much to do and look forward too. I want to enjoy every second of my life and take nothing for granted. I know it won't always be easy but life is what we make of it.
Since my first and last post about transitioning lots has happened. And to be quite honest I'm well pleased with the results.
I mentioned that back in February I went for my big chop. It was a big decision because my hair was pretty long. Not only that but it had taken me a long time to get it to where it was. Problem was that it wasn't at its healthiest, I had two textures, and I was losing my hair like my bulldog loses his. It was bad and it had me so down. It always had to be blow dried and I had not been able to just wash and go for over a year due to the two texture thing. Once I got the "big chop" it got better but just a little. Although I had chopped off a chunk of my hair I still had a lot of relaxed ends. I want to say about another 5". So much for the big chop uh.
Well 8 weeks later I went back to my stylist and asked her to cut as much as possible. I didn't want my hair washed or styled, I just wanted a cut. And a cut I got. I cut another 3+ inches and when I came home looking like this hubby was not happy. Oops.
I even started questioning my own decision to cut so much so soon. I was having second doubts but it was too late for that at that point.
Over the months I tried different styles for an every day look. My favorite has been the braid outs. I feel like it gives me a better look and it's easy, fast, and comfortable to sleep in unlike Bantu Knots and the Curlformers.
About a week after the second time I cut my hair I decided to blow dry it at home due to the simple fact that I was going to be going to the Dominican Republic on vacation and for my mother's wedding. I wanted to know for sure how my hair would look blow dry and I wanted to experiment with different styles for the wedding. It didn't look bad at all. Actually for my Easter picture is when I did it and although very short it still looked great!
A week later in DR I blow dried it again only because it was the wedding and the Salon there only charged $5 (American money) to wash and dry your hair. Ummm yea, I would have been stupid not to take advantage of that deal. Since then I blow dried it several times, I know shame on me. The first was 3 weeks after getting back from DR because we had another wedding to attend, again the weekend that my grandmother passed away, and once again 4 weeks later when I went back for another cut which has officially been my final cut to complete the transition from relaxed to natural.
So yes, I have officially transitioned from relaxed to natural and to be quite honest if you would have told me 15 years ago that my natural texture was curly hair I would have never believed it. No diffuser, products, or crunching can ever curl my hair as close as my natural curl pattern. I am beyond excited that I did this journey. It was only six months because I am as inpatient as they come and kept chopping away. Now, I should really keep away from heat but that's a never ending battle for now. However, I think that since that first chop back in February I've done pretty good with that. Normally I would apply heat to my hair on a weekly base and since then I can count with my hands the amount of times I've applied heat. :)
Outcome is curly but short hair. Very short hair. I love it, though I'm not use to it. Since my hair is layered out I have the longest length in the lower back that bothers the crap out of me. I'm thinking to either cut that part shorter to give a more define curly look or just blow dry my hair until it grows a bit more. I don't know, there's a lot at stake there don't you think? I have to think about it very hard and list the pros and cons then I'll be back with the final thought.
Let's see. Since I last published a post I was lost in my little world of the "what if". Since then my world has crashed over and over again. Frustration has set in and taken over but lucky for me my Heavenly Father has been merciful at the same time. Since Easter lots has happen,
1. We traveled to Dominican Republic for vacation among other things. This vacation was officially recorded as the vacation from hell. Yet at the same the it was a blessing in disguise.
2. My mother married her long distance lover. Just kidding. They've been dating over 10 years. 6 which were long distance, Wow.
3. My grandmother, the last one left and the one I had just seen 3 weeks earlier passed away unexpectedly. I will forever cherish those last memories with her.
4.I applied to be a foster parent. Say what now?… Check back for more on that.
5. My husband and I celebrated our 3 years wedding anniversary by staying home doing nada. Not even a picture for the books. Sad.
6. The next night we flew to San Diego, CA on another vacation already pre planned before my grandmother passed.
7. My firstborn turned 8 years old. Happy Birthday baby. Mommy loves you more today then yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow :)
8. My little guy turned 18 months and is doing so much! Where has the time gone to?
9. I gained 6lbs on this vacation which I'm sure 5 were from the wine.
10. I've discover that reading devotionals and the bible, drinking coffee, and not making decisions when in doubt keeps me sane and happy.
***BONUS***
I have a new bloggy friend. Lola @Lolasworldunveiled go check her out, you will love her! After months and months of persuading this lady to start a blog she has finally done it.
Yes lots has happened. I'm excited to be back and to have found an even greater love for blogging. I have so much to talk about :)
At a marriage seminar this past March I got lost in my own thoughts just thinking about how different I would be today if only I knew then what I know now.
As kids we question our parents when they say no to us. No on sleepovers. No on going to parties or even a movie. No on dating at a certain age and no on many more things. Especially when we are teenagers. But because we are young we don't realize that they meant well. They were only concerned about us and wanted no harm to happen to us.
During the seminar I went off to my own little world and it got me to thinking. What if?
What if I knew back then what I know now? I wondered how different my life would be today. Yet it makes me think. Do I love my life today? Am I content? What if knowing then what I know now gave a twist to the life I live today. Maybe I wouldn't be married to that hunk of a husband I have. Maybe I wouldn't have these two amazing and precious boys I have today. Is it really worth looking back into your life going over the things you would do different?
That night while in bed I realized something. I can't blame anyone for the childhood I had. Or for the mistakes that I've made. Because living that childhood and making those mistake have brought me to my destination today. And as I think back and wish that my mom would had been more involved. That I would had taken high school more seriously. That I would had went on to college right away. That I would had developed a better savings skills. That I should had thought more closely about the near future (because you know, 10 years will pass by so fast it'll leave you dizzy). My wants, goals, etc.
All of those things that I'm just figuring out now and didn't know back then have only made me a better person. A better mother and a better wife. Although we only get older with each passing year it's never too late to start fresh. To give your life meaning. Right now I have knowledge and I will use that knowledge to raise my children the way I wish I was raised. If I wouldn't have went thought all that I went through I probably wouldn't realize what is of greater importance to teach my kids. Age is only a number. It doesn't dictate when my life will be over. So when it comes to my personal demons, they just got the boot! I'm proud to be 27. With an amazing husband, two beautiful kids, an almost paid off car-that I will have paid myself with my own hard work. A homeowner and homemaker.
That I did things a little different then most people? It's ok. That I'm still working on my college degree? It's ok. Not only will that be an accomplishment to myself, it will also be a lesson to my children. Their mama never gave up. Even when she felt age and society beating her down. She came through. I will come through. Knowing early is not always best. It will only defeat the purpose of your life and push you off the oath you are meant to be on.
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