Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Only if I knew then what I know now

At a marriage seminar this past March I got lost in my own thoughts just thinking about how different I would be today if only I knew then what I know now. 

As kids we question our parents when they say no to us. No on sleepovers. No on going to parties or even a movie. No on dating at a certain age and no on many more things. Especially when we are teenagers. But because we are young we don't realize that they meant well. They were only concerned about us and wanted no harm to happen to us. 

During the seminar I went off to my own little world and it got me to thinking. What if? 

What if I knew back then what I know now? I wondered how different my life would be today. Yet it makes me think. Do I love my life today? Am I content? What if knowing then what I know now gave a twist to the life I live today. Maybe I wouldn't be married to that hunk of a husband I have. Maybe I wouldn't have these two amazing and precious boys I have today. Is it really worth looking back into your life going over the things you would do different? 

That night while in bed I realized something. I can't blame anyone for the childhood I had. Or for the mistakes that I've made. Because living that childhood and making those mistake have brought me to my destination today. And as I think back and wish that my mom would had been more involved.  That I would had taken high school more seriously. That I would had went on to college right away. That I would had developed a better savings skills. That I should had thought more closely about the near future (because you know, 10 years will pass by so fast it'll leave you dizzy).  My wants, goals, etc. 

All of those things that I'm just figuring out now and didn't know back then have only made me a better person. A better mother and a better wife. Although we only get older with each passing year it's  never too late to start fresh. To give your life meaning. Right now I have knowledge  and I will use that knowledge to raise my children the way I wish I was raised. If I wouldn't have went thought all that I went through I probably wouldn't realize what is of greater importance to teach my kids. Age is only a number. It doesn't dictate when my life will be over. So when it comes to my personal demons, they just got the boot! I'm proud to be 27. With an amazing husband, two beautiful kids, an almost paid off car-that I will have paid myself with my own hard work. A homeowner and homemaker. 

That I did things a little different then most people? It's ok. That I'm still working on my college degree? It's ok. Not only will that be an accomplishment to myself, it will also be a lesson to my children. Their mama never gave up. Even when she felt age and society beating her down. She came through. I will come through. Knowing early is not always best. It will only defeat the purpose of your life and push you off the oath you are meant to be on. 

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