This post was meant to be published on 12.10.17 yet it seems I scheduled it and never actually clicked "publish".
Bittersweet.
This week has been full of mixed emotions. Last year at this exact time I was dealing with major anxiety and disappointment. I wasn't doing so good in school, and I needed a really high grade in my final exam to pass the course. Needless to say that that I didn't pass.
I remember sitting on the edge of my bed when I received the notification that grades were in. I was actually packing for our trip to Mexico. I was so nervous that I even contemplated waiting till we got back from Mexico to view my grade but a classmate that had been helping me study messaged me as I sat there starring at my phone. We went back and forth talking about grades and reasons why I should or shouldn't open up the grade book. When she finally told me her grade I just knew that I was F@$#ed! there was no way I had scored higher than her and I knew I needed my grade to be way higher then what she had passed the final with.
I finally logged in and within seconds tears filled my eyes. I got a big lump on my throat and my whole body began to shake. I sent her my grade and she called me immediately. I couldn't hold back the tears and I cried like never before. We talked for over an hour as she tried consoling me and lifting up my spirit but it wasn't helping. I remember I kept saying "It's okay. I'm okay" but deep down I was crushed. I cried a while longer and then said a prayer, after all there was nothing else I could have done besides accept the facts.
A year later and after retaking the course I am proud to say that I passed with a 90.6% and I just completed 2 out of 4 specialty rotations. We are also sitting in the airport as I type this waiting for our flight back to Mexico. Last year we traveled to Mexico to celebrate hubby's 30th birthday and we loved it so much that we decided to return and bring the kiddos along. We are convinced that our boys will love Mexico just as much.
Personally I feel that this year has brought me so much growth. I loved seeing how the year unfolded. Last December I was crushed, depressed, and disappointed. It was BAD! I tried staying focused and started the year with a positive outlook in life but I won't deny that I had my moments of despair. Overall it was a good year. A year of healing, which I truly do believe really helped me accept the facts as well as to fight for what I truly wanted.
And as I sit here, looking at my boys excitement and my hubby zoned in to his music, I can't help but to feel blessed and to be thankful for the many things that can change in just one year. I love to reflect on the moments in my life when I felt the world was crumbling down on me and to see how God's Mercy and Grace have fallen on me. To see how true is the verse Roman 8:28, how God uses everything, whether good or bad, to work together for good.
Thank You Jesus!
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