They say each pregnancy is different and that each birth is unique. I had no doubt of that after having my first two boys being that their birth story were very different indeed. This time around I felt that I was well prepared for what was to come. Although, I was a bit worried remembering how fast things happened and how painful things were with Adrian. Yet nothing could have prepared me for what this delivery would be like. 

It all started Monday July 15th. I had my 39 weeks appointment that morning and I was hoping that my body had made some sort of progress. I had my first cervix check at 36 weeks and had made no change as expected. Neither at 37 or 38 weeks, I was beginning to think that my body had forgotten what to do and so I joked about it every time someone asked me if I was dilated at all. This particular morning however, I was surprised to hear that I was 3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -2 station. I was extremely happy to hear that. Shortly after telling me that my midwife said "would you like me to do a membrane sweep?" I was definitively not expecting that because I was undertake impression that they were not doing that anymore. However my excitement took over and before even thinking about it the word yes had come out of my mouth. And just like that the labor process got a kick start. 

I left the office feeling some sort of De Javu because that's how AJs labor started. Early in the morning. Same cervical progress. And a membrane sweep. I decided to go to the store to see if I found cute going home outfits because I had not purchased any being that we didn't know the gender. I was having some contractions but nothing strong or steady. I also called the hubby to let him know that today could possibly be the day and that he needed to be cautious of the amount of work he had schedule to do for the day because I didn't want him to miss birth as well. 

After my store run I decided to go home. I ate pineapple and drank some raspberry tea. I figured it wouldn't hurt if this was indeed the beginning of the labor stage. Yet there were no contractions in the horizon. I remember hubby coming home and making some pot stickers we had bough earlier that week and I was really craving them. At around 7pm the contractions started to creep in. I decided to lay down and see if they would continue or stop. Indeed they continued about 10 mins apart or so, I wasn't really tracking them at that point. At 8pm I decided to track them and they were coming every 5 minutes and some every 3 minutes. After an hour of this I told hubby that maybe we should go in to  the hospital so I called the On call provider. I was happy to hear that the doctor on call was one of my favorite ones. Actually when I had my OB appointment with her I remember thinking "I want her to deliver me." I had known her since she was a first year resident and here she was now running the show. Plus she is the most sweetest and humble person, she reminded me so much of the doctor who delivered AJ, who unfortunately for me, had moved to Texas a few months after. She told me to go in to rule out labor and so we started to gather our things and load the car. 

At this point it was almost 9:30pm. We got on the road and dropped off the boys at their grandpas. Contractions were a bit strong but manageable and still coming every 3-5 minutes. We arrived at the hospital a little after 10pm and got checked in. We were put in a triage room where they started to monitor the contractions and baby's heart rate and they checked my cervix. I was the exact same as this morning. I was not happy to say the least. They told us to go for a walk and that they would recheck me in about 90 minutes. We walked for a little over an hour, contractions were getting stronger for sure so I decided to go back to the room. 

Around midnight they came in to recheck me and I barely made any progress. They said I was still between 3-4cm and that they wouldn't even give me a 4. I honestly couldn't believe it. Y'all I was in pain! They even wanted to send me home. At this point I had not seen the "nice doctor" it seemed to be a busy night and she was delivering other babies. I heard her voice several times in different rooms as we walked the hallways. So I was being checked by residents. I didn't mind until this specific resident tried sending me home because according to her I wasn't in active labor. She asked us how far away we lived (which we only lived 15 minutes away) then she suggested that we go home, wait it out, and when the contractions got stronger that we come back in. I explained to her that I wasn't comfortable doing that because my last baby came super fast and I was instructed that if I ever got pregnant again that I should come to the hospital right away at he first sign of labor. She was not having it. She wanted us to go home but I stood my ground. I honestly did not feel comfortable with that decision. Not to mention that I was in a lot, a lot of pain. I even asked my nurse, how much more pain do I need to be in to come back if I go home. Her response, "Oh honey it will get a lot worse." Mind you, I wasn't being monitored either. At the end of it all they decided to give me another hour to see if I made progress, if I did not make any progress then I would be sent home. In the meantime I could get some Tylenol and Benadryl for "the pain". This was all some real BS.

There must have been some sort of emergency happening right next door to our triage room. It was about 1am and they were supposed to come recheck me but there was no sign of anyone. Everyone was moving really fast, all the doctors were in the room next door, and before you know it they were taking that poor lady to the OR. Meanwhile I was about to pass out from the intense pain I was experiencing. I told hubby to close the glass door because breathing through the contractions was not helping and that I really needed to scream. Suddenly I started to have flashbacks from AJs birth. The pain was unbearable. Tears were running down my cheeks nonstop. And I had officially lost controlled of the situation. I just couldn't keep up with my breathing through the contractions anymore. 

It must have been after 2am when the doctors came in to check on me. Again the flashbacks. My contractions were too close together, I couldn't stay still and when they laid me flat for the check I just wanted to die. Even more so when they said I was still 3-4cm. I remember thinking "these residents don't have any idea what they are doing. Can't they see that I'm about to die from this pain. I cannot just be 3cm. That is impossible. I don't accept that." At least they noticed that my pain was so strong that they couldn't send me home. They agreed to keep me and admit but also start me on Pitocin to see if my body would respond to that. I agreed to the Pitocin as long as I got an epidural. Right away I was put on the monitor again and an IV was started. I had to take in a liter of fluids before getting the epidural. 

At this point things are like a blur. The rest of this delivery story is from what I remember and what the hubby told me. I remember having to walk to my labor room which was at the end of the hallway. I had four contractions on my way there, meaning my contractions were at least a minute apart. I remember getting into the room and having hubby stop at the bathroom. I said I have to pee babe let me go in here quick. I lied, I had to poop but didn't want to tell him. I know what you are thinking, having the urge to poop pretty much means a baby is coming. But remember, I was only 3-4cm. There was no way I was about to have a baby. So I sat and pooped. Several minutes later I was ready to get up but friends, if I thought my contractions were intense before well there are no words to describe how painful my contractions had gotten after the bowel movement. I couldn't even get up from the toilet. My nurse came to check on me and when I told her that I had to poop again she said wait what, no we need to get up right now. We argued back and forth but I legit couldn't get up from the toilet and the urge to have a bowel movement intensified even more. Suddenly she got very firmed with me and told me that we were getting up, that we would not be delivering a baby in the toilet. And so she pretty much dragged me to the bed.

Again, more flashbacks from AJs birth. I was screaming y'all. Literally screaming from so much pain. Not only that but I was cursing up a storm. As my nurse called the doctor saying that something wasn't right and that I felt thinned to push, a bunch of staff entered my room. I think it was due to my screaming because I heard some ask "Is everything okay in here?"

One of the resident walked in and told me she needed to check me. Once she did I was 9cm. She tried explaining that I couldn't push, that if I did I would rip through my cervix and it would cause a lot of internal damage. She suggested they break my water and that chances were I would be fully dilated within seconds and that we would be ready to have a baby. She said that I probably wouldn't be able to get the epidural because I was moving too much and I needed to be very still. Also I wasn't done with my liter of fluids. I agreed to her breaking my water and it seriously took everything in me to not kick her as she did. 

This part I remember so vividly that I don't think I will ever forget it. As soon as my water was broken I kept yelling for her to take her hands out. I said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I have to push" and with the little bit of strength I had left I pushed. I pushed so hard that my baby's head came right out. All I remember hearing was "We have a head. Don't push." Again all of this happened so fast. I again said that I had to push and the "nice doctor" grabbed my right leg while hubby grabbed my left leg and I just pushed. And just like that baby was all out, at 3:06am with two pushes. Two freaking pushes and that bizarre pain was gone. I felt so relief, Oh what a relief. Then hubby whispers to my ear "Is a boy." "Did you ear what I said Pam, It's a boy." But to be honest I was so out of it and so relieved that the only thing I could think about was that it was finally over.

Once they put the baby on my chest I turned to hubby and said "wait, you said its a boy?" Then someone in the room said, "you didn't know what you were having? OMG." and everyone laughed. After several minutes hubby's able to cut the umbilical cord. I remember having the shakes. The baby started too feed immediately after being placed on my chest.

We waited for the sign that my placenta was ready for delivery but that didn't happen right away. And I thought to myself "shit! it's not over yet." This processed seemed to last a while since my placenta did not want detach but it did so eventually. I required some stitches, they said it wasn't bad but due to the fast nature of things stitches were needed for sure. I was monitored for about an hour and then was transferred to the Mom & Baby Unit for the rest of my recovery and our hospital stay. 

I honestly didn't expect for this delivery to happen this way. I was tad bit disappointed. I wanted to be in control, I didn't care whether or not I opted for an epidural but I did want to process to be a little less chaotic. I wanted pictures. I wanted our moms there. I wanted the big gender announcement recorded. I wanted this experience to be a good one, especially since we had agreed for this to be our last child. So I will admit that I feel robbed and cheated from my last birthing experience. It really makes me sad when I think back on how it all turned out. But I get it, each birthing experience is unique in its own way and I am thankful that both baby and I were good and healthy and that there were no complications. No preeclampsia like with AJ, not being bed bound for 24+ hours. As a matter of fact we were able to go home 24 hours after delivery so that is a good sign right. 

And just like that we started the next chapter of our married life and family of five. 

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if this is indeed our last baby, if this was my last pregnancy. My last time delivering a baby. What I do know is that I am savoring every second of every minute with this little peanut. We love you Christian Jeremiah. You were the missing puzzle piece and we our so glad you are here and are ours.