A new year to me signifies a new chapter, sort of like a new beginning. Like with each day the past is the past and each morning you get a new opportunity to be better and do better. The difference is that with the new year it truly does feel like a fresh start. 

I guess giving yourself goals to complete over the course of the year then looking back 12 months later and seeing the improvements does feel good. Year after year I set new goals and year after year I fail at them. I simply stop trying. Imagine my surprise when in the middle of the service I wanted nothing more than to grab my handy dandy notebook and jot down some ideas. Of course that I didn't. I decided to wait till I got home to really sit down and focus on what I expected to achieve in 2015. Ten hours later and here I am just blogging about it because although I made a trip to Target specifically to buy a new handy dandy notebook (new year new notebook right ;)) to start the year off right I didn't even get to write the date on the first page. 

I can't help but to laugh because one of my goals is to be more organize and keep up with house chores. As we drove home I thought to myself that when we arrived we were going to sit on the couch to watch movies. Then I would fix lunch, prep clothes for the week, and put the kids to bed early so that mommy and daddy can spend some quality time and go to bed at the sane time. Then we get home. The boys sit on the couch to watch movies and I said that I'll be right back I was going to use the restroom. Next thing I know I start to organize my room, AJs room, Pollo's room (dusting and all), wash laundry, vacuum, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, fold clothes, put them away, etc etc and before I know it is supper time. We order Chinese and eat and once again I find myself organizing more rooms etc. It was such a long day, I need a massage. But you know what, I got sooo much done! I kept my phone away because I get easily distracted when I get a message or IG notification and it helped. I'm so proud of myself. This post is certainly my ramblings but you don't understand. Most days I have such a high doze of laziness going on that I would spend all day doing pretty much nothing. So for today to be so productive makes me feel like I can conquer the world! Hahaha ok maybe not all that but close. 

Back to my goals. So I finally got the chance to sit and write. And here's what I expect to include in my life for 2015. 

See the good in all things even in the worse of the worse 

These things are all for me, to make me better. When December comes around I want to look back at this year and actually see a difference in myself. I don't want to have wasted another year, I want to make this year count, I want to have tried my best at everything. There are a lot of things going on right now and in the coming months which makes me fearful yet excited all the the same time. Is time to change my attitude and give it my all. 

Hello 2015, I've been expecting you. 

xoxo

Pamela 

What a year it's been. 

January

We welcomed 2014 with a sweet celebration of AJ's second birthday. Days later I began a new job which I though was what I always wanted 9-5 no weekends no holidays but as it turned out the heart can be deceiving and although I met amazing girls here I would only be here for the course of the year. Let's call 2014 my transition year in the career department.  

February 

I got baptized! It was a big commitment, and up until the night before I had my doubts on whether I was ready for that, one that I'm still working with but as it has it it has been the best decision I've ever made! I also started a no heat challenge in which I decided to discover my natural hair texture 

March 

I celebrated my 27th birthday home with my loved ones and did some winery hopping over the weekend with new friends. 

April 

After celebrating Easter we packed our bags and headed to the Dominican Republic for multiple reasons. Mainly to witness my mother become one with her long distance love. This trip was recorded as the worse vacation ever but with a blessing in disguise because little did we know it would be the last time I'd get to see my grandmother alive. Another great season of baseball for us, best season thus far. 

May 

We attended one of the many weddings of the year. Towards the end of the month my only living grandmother passed away. It was very sad and still unbelievable but indeed true. I started my garden again this year with great success, those zucchinis were on point! lol

June 

We celebrated our three years of marriage anniversary. We didn't do anything special other than pack our bags again to head to the west coast to visit my SIL. A much needed vacation for us all. I got another big chop, the biggest yet, to get rid of damaged hair. 

July 

Steven turned 8. When did that happened? My baby is growing up way to fast. Pretty soon we'll be saying hello to the teen years. Oh dear. We returned from our Cali vacation which I've yet to blog about.  We built a deck on our backyard and I didn't blog about it either. 

August 

Two more weddings were celebrated this month. I started school again with the hope of starting nursing clinical next fall. It's been a rough journey yet exciting. I have to admit that I'm proud of myself for keeping up with everything on my plate. :) a few cousins and I planned the first ever family reunion for my mom side of the family. It wasn't as big of a turn out as we had hoped but what's important is that those who truly matter were there. Let's  hope next year is a better one! 

September 

We celebrated my hubby's 28th birthday. We're nearing the 30s! School started back up and my big boy has done great in the 3rd grade so far. Last chop got done this month, I'm officially natural oh yea! #curlyhairdontcare I never thought this would be my natural hair texture. I'm so glad I went ahead with my decision of going natural. 

October 

We did our annual pumpkin patch with the kiddos and once again had an amazing time. AJ had his first dentist appointment and it was a success! Baby boy impressed us all. Second annual Penn State Tailgate. It was so much fun!

November

I got elected to be MOH at my cousins destination wedding in 2016. This is so exciting! I cannot wait! We had our family photo shoot. Lots of bonding with family. Thanksgiving at MIL. 

December

Stressful yet successful month. We started the search for a good daycare for AJ. I became a foster parent. I applied for a new position within my health network and got it. I start next month. Last wedding of the year. My hair has grown so much since September! There's so much happening that will follow in 2015. I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be a great year! 

We decided to welcome it at home in our pjs watching tv. It may or may not had something to do with all of us getting hit with the stomach bug but honestly I don't think it could be spent any other way. Just my boys and I together as a family as I expect 2015 will be, all about my little family. 

May you all have a wonderful night and a prosperous New Year! Be Safe. 

xoxo

Pamela 

I never really believed in Santa from what I remember. Back in the Dominican Republic, before I came to the states, I remember the month of December was a celebration of the birth of Jesus. Family from all over the island gathered to spend time with each other. Then on January 6th we celebrated the Three Kings. I remember putting grass under our beds with some water "for the camels to eat and drink it". Then the Kings would leave us some gifts right under or on the side of the bed. As we joined the American tradition of Christmas the 6th of January was soon forgotten. I don't recall my mom ever making any "special traditions" for Christmas. We would just put up a Christmas tree and got to open gifts on the night of Christmas Eve. 

Now that I have my own family and having my husbands family have many traditions we're trying to figure out what we want to do for our own kids. We make it a point to have our oldest understand the true meaning of Christmas, and I'm glad he understands it well. He stopped believing in Santa a very long time ago, even before he turned five if I recall correctly, so there's been no elf hanging around our house lately. 

So what do we do? 

For the past eight years we've just gone with the flow. If my mom is in town we celebrate Christmas Eve with her and open gifts at night right before we head back home. There have been times we've waited till the next day to open them with her. On Christmas morning we go to MIL's for breakfast, exchanging gifts, movies, and dinner. We usually skip the movie part and head to my moms where my brother and his family and my sisters get together to open gifts. If my mom is not in town we just spend it at MIL's house. This year however we got invited to two houses to celebrate Christmas Eve. We went to both houses and honestly I don't think I'll ever agree to that again. For starters both celebration started after 8pm (I wanted to be home by 9pm). I get it, the point is to party and who parties at 4pm? Next year however if we get invitations for anything past 6pm we will be declining it. I would much rather be home watching movies with my boys and put them to bed at a reasonable time so that we may all be well rested for the next day. 

For Christmas this year I hosted brunch at the MIL's house. All her kids (with the exception of my SIL) and my FIL and his wife were there. As brunch was cooking in the oven the kids opened gifts. After all gifts were opened we ate some delicious food and sat around relaxing. The kids played with their new toys, the husband and I napped on the couch, MIL and her husband cleaned around and organized their foster kids toys, and FIL and his wife left home to prep for Christmas dinner which they were hosting at their house later that day. 

It was perfect. While at the same time I wish that my own family was as organized as my in-laws, wishful dreaming I know but alas I love them either way. Each family have their own traditions and we're just finally getting around to having our own. I look forward to a more organized holiday season next year.

xoxo
Pamela

Years, many years, later I thought of it again. Well I should say I gave it second third and fourth thought because the initial thought had always been there. Did I lose you? As the new year (2014) came about I found that thought frequenting my mind more and more. Five  months into the year I printed an application and filled it to the best of my ability. I called the office to get more information and was transfer to the person who was in charge of the application process. Being that almost everyone works the 8a-5p shift this person and I played phone tag for over a week. Eventually we started having conversations over voicemail. Then we finally set up an appointment to meet. She came over my house on a Tuesday morning and completely overwhelmed me with all the information she gave me. 

Now I was really having doubts on whether or not this was for me. I remember praying about it and saying "you know what I'm going to try it. Worse that can happen is that things don't work out and that will be the end. But if I don't try I'll never know and I will always continue to give it thought and have doubts. I said "lord if this is for me you'll make it happen". 

My reasons for doing foster care has changed a lot from when I first thought about it years ago. Today I see it as an opportunity to help a child in need, to be home with my children every day of the week at all hours of the day, to focus in school without a strict and overwhelming schedule, and I'd be lying if I don't mention that earning some cash is a bonus. I've always wanted to be home. To be the primary caretaker of my children. However I didn't want to have to depend on my husband for every single thing! 

I want to work but have a flexible schedule, hence my interest in the medical field. I also want to be home but earn cash. How can I ever do that? Well this is how. Honestly most people won't get it and many will judge and say that it is all about the money but is truly not. Just as I see the good moments in my in-law's house I also see the bad and the crazy. I'm well aware that it will not all be sunshine and rainbows and that it will be challenging. Many kids come from troubled homes and are damaged goods as my hubby says. Therefore, I shouldn't care what people think. What matters to me is making a difference in a child's life while being there for my own children. This is a full time job in itself, you'd be surprise how many people make this their "career".

When I met with this person I felt overwhelmed mostly because having another child while still working 40 hours a week was not going to make matters better. No one was going to benefit from this but my bank account and was the hassle really worth it? I don't think so. 

I had a decision to make. And clearly I can't understand God's language. So when I held off on going through with the application process trouble stroke once again. I lost my babysitter. Yup, and right in the middle of the week. What was I to do? It had been a horrible week at work. I couldn't just call off. I almost did though. After all my kids a worth a lot more then what I make. And after crying in my kitchen for over 10 minutes I looked up and there it was. Proverbs 3:5

Weeks earlier I had written this verse on our kitchen chalkboard with the intention of changing it every week. Here this verses had been there for almost a month and once again it gave me just what I needed. Strength! Strength to keep calm, trust, have faith, and proceed with his plans. 

I don't know where this is all headed. And these decisions will certainly be life changing not only for me but for my entire family and workplace. 

Coincidentally I've repeated multiply time "when in doubt never make a decision". However for some reason I feel like this decision has already been made and I'm holding back a blessing that's headed my way. 

Well last Thursday I signed my contract. After months of procrastination, background checks, training and more training, and more procrastinating there was nothing else holding me back from signing on the dotted line. And so I took a deep breath and signed.

So once again welcome to yet another journey in my married life. Let's see where this road is meant to take me as an individual and us as a family. God bless!