Monday, December 22, 2014

Thinking Clearly or Am I?

For years I had the thought of being a foster parent. I saw my mother-in-law do it since I joined the family. It didn't seem hard at all and she always had extra cash. I would think and think about it but I never took the steps required to become one. 

Years, many years, later I thought of it again. Well I should say I gave it second third and fourth thought because the initial thought had always been there. Did I lose you? As the new year (2014) came about I found that thought frequenting my mind more and more. Five  months into the year I printed an application and filled it to the best of my ability. I called the office to get more information and was transfer to the person who was in charge of the application process. Being that almost everyone works the 8a-5p shift this person and I played phone tag for over a week. Eventually we started having conversations over voicemail. Then we finally set up an appointment to meet. She came over my house on a Tuesday morning and completely overwhelmed me with all the information she gave me. 

Now I was really having doubts on whether or not this was for me. I remember praying about it and saying "you know what I'm going to try it. Worse that can happen is that things don't work out and that will be the end. But if I don't try I'll never know and I will always continue to give it thought and have doubts. I said "lord if this is for me you'll make it happen". 

My reasons for doing foster care has changed a lot from when I first thought about it years ago. Today I see it as an opportunity to help a child in need, to be home with my children every day of the week at all hours of the day, to focus in school without a strict and overwhelming schedule, and I'd be lying if I don't mention that earning some cash is a bonus. I've always wanted to be home. To be the primary caretaker of my children. However I didn't want to have to depend on my husband for every single thing! 

I want to work but have a flexible schedule, hence my interest in the medical field. I also want to be home but earn cash. How can I ever do that? Well this is how. Honestly most people won't get it and many will judge and say that it is all about the money but is truly not. Just as I see the good moments in my in-law's house I also see the bad and the crazy. I'm well aware that it will not all be sunshine and rainbows and that it will be challenging. Many kids come from troubled homes and are damaged goods as my hubby says. Therefore, I shouldn't care what people think. What matters to me is making a difference in a child's life while being there for my own children. This is a full time job in itself, you'd be surprise how many people make this their "career".

When I met with this person I felt overwhelmed mostly because having another child while still working 40 hours a week was not going to make matters better. No one was going to benefit from this but my bank account and was the hassle really worth it? I don't think so

I had a decision to make. And clearly I can't understand God's language. So when I held off on going through with the application process trouble stroke once again. I lost my babysitter. Yup, and right in the middle of the week. What was I to do? It had been a horrible week at work. I couldn't just call off. I almost did though. After all my kids a worth a lot more then what I make. And after crying in my kitchen for over 10 minutes I looked up and there it was. Proverbs 3:5

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not in your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all that you do and he will make your paths straight"

Weeks earlier I had written this verse on our kitchen chalkboard with the intention of changing it every week. Here this verses had been there for almost a month and once again it gave me just what I needed. Strength! Strength to keep calm, trust, have faith, and proceed with his plans. 

imageI don't know where this is all headed. And these decisions will certainly be life changing not only for me but for my entire family and workplace. 

Coincidentally I've repeated multiply time "when in doubt never make a decision". However for some reason I feel like this decision has already been made and I'm holding back a blessing that's headed my way. 

Well last Thursday I signed my contract. After months of procrastination, background checks, training and more training, and more procrastinating there was nothing else holding me back from signing on the dotted line. And so I took a deep breath and signed.

So once again welcome to yet another journey in my married life. Let's see where this road is meant to take me as an individual and us as a family. God bless!

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