I have trust issues, I have been betrayed one too many times by "friends" to the point that I keep my circle of friends very small and I reserved that title to those who truly deserve it. I thought she was one of them, maybe she is, who knows but she made a comment that bothered me and apparently it still bothers me because I'm writing about it here. 

This friend said something along the lines of "soon you'll be a nurse, you'll make nurse friends, and you will change because that's what people do, they change." For a split second I didn't understand what she meant by "you'll change" butt then I quickly remembered a doctor in my HIV Clinic experience who told me "after graduation people will say that you have changed and it's true you will change. You will change the way you think, the way you see things, and even possibly the places that you will shop at because that comes with the territory. You will lose many friends because of it and it's okay because you must change and they will never understand why you must change." Now his talk was more involved of course and he went on to explaining exactly what he meant by how I will be changing and he was right, I totally agree with him, nursing school is no joke and it forces you think differently and it trains your brain on seeing things different compared to lets say my husband who did not go through nursing school. 

However, I am sure that what my friend meant by "you'll change" is that I will think that I am better than "them" and eventually I will stop talking to them and I will surround myself by other nurses. And frankly that hurt me a lot more than she think it did and this is why, which by the way I also made it known to her.

I was born in a third world country. At one point I was homeless, alongside my mother, in said country. I came to the USA and lived in the projects for many years while being raised by a single mother of four. I had my first child at nineteen years old. I was made fun of and bullied growing up, I didn't have many friends, and I was the ESL student that couldn't pronounce words let alone use them correctly. It took me many years, trials, tribulations, and hard work to make it through nursing school.   

I don't say all this for people to have pity on me, I say this because I know what it is to have nothing and how much work it took to get where I am today and I'll be damned if I ever forget my roots. Yes maybe I will buy myself an expensive item once in a while but that doesn't mean my principles and morals have changed. If anything I love using my life experiences to encourage others to follow their dreams and fight for what they want. 

Is inevitable, I will make nurse friends but it doesn't mean my trust issues will disappear and I'll forget about those who have proven themselves trustworthy. Her comment really did bother me and like I mentioned maybe she will never realize just how much. But it's okay because my roots will never change and neither will I forget.

OMG! Y'all! I'm a Grad Nurse!

August 9, 2018

 

  Once upon a time, in the midsts of some trials, I had a wonderful stranger reach out to me and pray over me, my husband, our marriage, and our family. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were at a baseball game and I got this call by said stranger. I took the time to speak to her because I figured it was God’s way of reaching out to me. And indeed it was.

We spoke for over an hour. At one point I was standing by a tree trying to get some shade and as I looked up in front of me I had the most perfect view of my husband. In that exact moment she said, you have your trials which are making you a better woman and a better christian and although you don’t understand why things are the way they are don’t forget that you and your husband are still individual persons at the end of the day and God has a plan for him. He has his own trials and his own testimony. God has a plan for him and the things that are happening to him are happening for a reason. He is meant to go through the things that he has gone and is going through because in the long run, God will use it for good.

Her words touched me. I never looked at it that way. I never thought of our trials as individual trials. It was definitely a reality check for me. Since then I’ve been more aware of the things happening in our lives as individuals not just as a family.

I say all this because my husband is amazing. He is far from perfect but he is a dream come true. He is Humble, hard working, loving, and caring. He never stops. He’s always on the go taking care of him self whether is by eating right and working out, he’s involved with our children in all areas of their lives. And I mean like every area. I am both lucky and blessed to have him as my parenthood partner. And he’s always going the extra mile to help me out. He’s willing to cook, clean, take a day off to stay with the kids, the list goes on. But most importantly he’s always pushing me to be the best version of me possible. 

I don’t think he truly knows the blessing that he has been in my life. I want to tell the world how amazing of a man I had the privilege of marrying but I can’t brag, not in social media, not to those that wouldn’t understand or those would take it the wrong way. Instead I’ve decided to post it here so that our children and grandchildren can read about this awesome man. I have decided to be thankful to God for this precious gift. For this man that although very far from perfect is truly the most perfectly imperfect man I have ever met.

My love, I love you beyond words. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. Of growing old together and reminiscing on the good old days and the not so good old days. Thank you for all that you do for me, for us, for our little family. I wish tons of blessings upon you. I pray that you never loose your humbleness and that you never stop caring and trying your hardest. I pray that you reach your full potential in this journey that we call life. I love you far beyond the moon. 🌙