I

 The meaning of marriage. 

It varies from person to person and couple to couple but many of us can agree that marriage is commitment. You commit yourselves, and vise versa, to spend the rest of your life with one person. To love them till the end of time. To be faithful and respect them. To care for them and be by their side in the good and the bad. To build a life with them. To grow together. To build a family and create a legacy. Your legacy. We can spend hours upon hours talking about the meaning of marriage and it it means to each of us. However at the end of the day what really matter is what marriage means to you as a couple. Yes as a couple. Because if you both are not on the same page your marriage will be nothing like what you dreamt  it would be. 

Loyalty and Respect. You owe it to your other half to be loyal to them and to respect them. They chose you to spend the rest of their life with. That's something we shouldn't take for granted. 

Companionship. It means to walk through life with each other. Sharing the good and the bad. To grow old together and when old age comes reminise about that journey you just took. Together. 

Affection. Is not all about the kids, dinner parties, and holidays. Number one on the list should be about you and your spouse. Kissing and holding hands shouldn't stop after the honeymoon phase is over. It should continue forever. The date nights. The couples getaways. The compliments and small simple gifts. The cuddles. The quality time. That's what keeps the fire going in a marriage. 

Not giving up. Marriage is forever. Life is hard and we shouldn't expect marriage to be any different. If there's an issue work it out. Disagreements are good, you became husband and wife, it doesn't mean that you gave up your identity. Sacrifices will have to be made but the outcome will be so much more worth it. 

I honestly believe that marriages today are not what they used to be. And that my friend is a sad truth. Reason being because I see many couples getting married because they are forced into it. Usually by the other person through persuasion. Or simply because they want the nice wedding with the white dress. Is no longer about building a family, loving intensively, growing old together. 

I married my husband because I love him. Because he made me happy. He made me want to do better, be better. Because I wanted to make him happy. Because be was my son's father. Because I wanted to build a family with him. Because I wanted to grow old with him. I married my husband because he is my better half. 

   

 

I'm torn. Confused. Undecided. 

I've mentioned before my dilemma about working nights and my school drama. A few weeks ago I just about had it with working nights. I was so frustrated and upset that I went and applied to some other jobs. Day time jobs. Your normal Monday-Friday 8a-4p no weekends no holidays. Sounds good right? 

Except that I'm forgetting one little detail. School. 

How do I suppose to start nursing clinical working FT 8-4? 

Early this month I started to look around at other schools with a nursing program. I decided that maybe I should apply to a certain one. The due date for the application was October 1st. And you are let know whether or not you get accepted within six weeks. This is perfect because I will then know what to do next in either case. You should always have a backup plan right. 

Well things don't always work out as one would hope. At least not in my case. 

At first I was concern. Concerned because this nursing program is a Monday-Friday 8a-3p program. Which is a FT job in itself and requires a lot of studying time. Not to mention that the school is part of a hospital which I so happen to work for its competitor. 

So I asked myself, will I not get accepted to the program because of my employer? Now that that shouldn't be the case but you just never know. 

Also how will my employer feel with my attending school over at their competitor? 

Now wait. It gets better. After I graduate, if I was to get accepted, I will have to work for them for a minimum of two years. So it's a given that I'll be leaving my current employer sooner or later. 

Now remember those jobs I applied to before? Well I got a call for an interview. For the Wednesday before we left. I was so excited! And worried at the same time. Worried because depending which path I take it was going to take me on a totally different road in life. I knew this could have went either way. If I was to get the job offered and get accepted to the nursing school (what are the odds of that happening?) I was going to end up screwing one. Most likely the new job because my nursing career is a priority here people. But it'll kind of suck too because this new job will be perfect! Or will it? 

The more I thought about getting this job the more I worried that I actually liked my night shift job. I love the people. I love the place. I love that I only do 2 days a week. I love that I'm able to be home with AJ and pick up Steven at school. I'm basically a SAHM during the day while still making money the old fashion way. Is the perfect schedule. Only if I was able to stay awake at night. Yes yes. Two years into this job and I still get super sleepy between the hours of 2am-5am. 

The point I'm trying to get across here is if being home for dinners, bedtime, and weekends will satisfy me enough and compensate my not being home during the day like I have been the last 2 years. Will I truly be happy with a Monday-Friday 8-4 job? I've done it before. It was great. I loved being home before rush hour, cook, spend time with my firstborn and hubby, plan the wedding, and have my weekends free. I did work Saturday mornings but I was home by 1:30p. Thinking about it now it wasn't bad. Wasn't bad at all. Yet. How would it be now? Times have changed. My life has changed since then. 

Then the unthinkable happened. I got a call the day before the interview saying that the position had been filled and my interview was cancelled. Well, that's not too bad you may say. And I thought that. I thought. Well that was easy. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that that's not where he wants me. That my night shift job is the place I need to be if I want to work on my career. Ok. I accept that. 

Well then guess what happens next. 

I go on vacation thinking that everything is just fine. I don't need to worry about the job. Only about getting accepted into the nursing program. I send in my references, application, resume, payment, take my test, go in for my interview, etc. the only thing missing are my transcripts. I have faith that they'll get there on time because I told both schools they need to have them at the new school by the 1st. And I gave them plenty of time to send them in. What could possibly go wrong at this point right? Well how about the admission office at the new school not getting my transcript and me finding out September 30th. The day before the due date.

Just my luck and there's nothing I can do now. Not from Puerto Rico.

I tried contacting the school via phone and no luck. Just my luck.

As a believer I have to wonder. Wonder what the lesson behind this is? Wonder if maybe nursing school is not part of my future. Yes it has been a long journey and is some I desperately want. But maybe it has been a journey I wasn't meant to be on. As a believer I have to believe that there's a reason for this to be happening this way. I have to accept that His Will will be done. Not mine. 

I had a plan for both scenarios. Now, now I got nothing. I'm stuck at the end of a road with the choice to go left or right not knowing where either road will take me. It is the most awful feeling on earth. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what to do next. Not having a plan is not how I envisioned living my life. I truly want to finish with this school stuff and have a career that will allow me to contribute to my family and makes me happy. Do I keep fighting for what I believe is I want? Do I change career?

What do I do in this situation? 

I can only think of one thing I can do and that is pray. Pray frequently because at the end of the day his will is what will be done regardless of my thoughts, feelings, or wants. 

*These were my thoughts right in the middle of my vacation. 

-Where flights served breakfast, lunch, or dinner as part of your purchased.

-Where you were able to choose what you wanted to watch.

-Better yet that your seat had its own personal TV or the plane had a TV at all.

-That you got free earphones.

-That you got small pillows and blankets.

These are the things I noticed were different during this trip. Last time I was on a plane was in 2011 for our wedding and I didn't really pay much attention to my surroundings. This time however I took it all in. How things change with time. Is just crazy. I still remember all these things being offered when I firs traveled to the states in 1996. What a difference years make. Our flight back was delayed and as we waited I read. I read things around the airport and I happened to notice that they are planning to offer WiFi on airplanes by the end of 2013. Now whether there'll be a separate charge I'm not quite sure. What do you think? I think it will be. Come on, if they don't even offer a simple blanket anymore you think they would offer free WiFi? Ha! jokes on us.

We are back from our vacation. We landed last night and today hubby went back to work. I unpacked and got back to reality. You know, the norm. Cooking, cleaning, mothering.  It wasn't as bad of an re-adjustment as I thought it would be. The boys are doing just fine and AJ is continuing on his routine like nothing ever happened. Matter of fact I feel as if he's doing much better then before the trip. Early start to the day, 2 2 hours naps during the day, in bed by 8p. We should had traveled to PR a few months ago if I knew it would be this easy.

I feel so blessed and thankful that we were able to go on this vacation. It was nice seeing you Puerto Rico, you will be missed.

 

A recap of this awesome vacation is in the works. After I arrange the photos I want to use I'll start to post about our adventures :)