Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It's been 13 years

Since my father's death. And I still seem not to be over it. I mean come on, is it really that easy to get over such a tragic phase in your life?

For 13 years I've felt like part of me is missing. And in fact I am missing something. I'm missing the memories of a father & daughter talks, dances, boyfriend introductions, punishments, and so on. And most importantly a father's pride.

I remember being mad and jealous of those who had a father but wouldn't appreciate them. Or those fathers that have kids and don't bother to call them or get to know them. These last years however, I've met other individuals who have also lost their father and they can share my pain. I no longer feel alone. I've realized that I am not the only one. That I'm not alone. And in a weird way it makes me feel good. Like I have someone to vent to and that will understand me. That will give me the words of encouragement that I need.

I do have my brother and sister to talk about my feelings but is not the same. They were too little when he passed and they hardly remember him. Their memories of him are very vague.

Then you have my son. A 5 year old that has the biggest heart. I remember just a year, year and a half ago when he asked me where my daddy was. I, of course, told him the truth. That he had passed when I was young in an accident and he went to heaven. And ever since he learned how to pray he has asked God to please let him be a doctor so that he can fix my daddy's brain (he had brain surgery) and I can see him again. Other days I hear him praying and he asks God to let him go to heaven when he dies so that he can meet his mommy's daddy and so that I can be happy because they are together. My eyes get watery every time I replay this memory. It's so touching and I feel so blessed to have a son with such a heart and faith. I know my father would be so proud to have him as a grandson if he was living. They would of had a great relationship.

I miss my father so much. I hope that where ever he is that he is watching over us and is proud of what we've done with our life. I hope he sees how much we miss him and love him.

"Thoughts today,
Memories forever.

Remembering you,
As time goes by.

Sadly missed,
Lovingly remembered.

Always in our thoughts,
Forever in our hearts.

Forever remembered,
Forever missed.

A little tribute, small and tender,
Just to say we still remember.

The tears in my eyes I can wipe away,
The ache in my heart will always stay."

-unknown


I love you daddy!

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