Friday, April 29, 2016

OMG I'm starting nursing school!



I can never express the emotions that I feel about this day finally being here. I have been blogging since 2010 and my school journey goes beyond that. 

When I started this journey in 2008 I had no idea what I wanted out of life. All I knew was that I wanted a college education because I didn't want to find myself a few years down the road working retail or at a warehouse. I remember meeting with an advisor and being told "Give it a try. Take one class now and see if college is for you or not." And that's exactly what I did. I registered for a College English class online late that fall semester and passed it with an A. I was pretty impressed because I was not expecting that at all. On to the next semester I went taking 2 classes. From there on I kept taking either one or two classes every semester. I still had no idea what I wanted so my intended major was general studies. About a year or so after that initial class I decided on Diagnostic Sonography which lead me to a biology class. There a met a a girl who would become a really good friend. Somehow she convinced me to try nursing and after several looks at the required pre requisites I said what the hell, worse  case scenario, if I'd change my mind again the only difference between both majors would be a math class. We took A&P I and II, Microbiology, Chemistry and Statistics. After taking statistics I knew that there was no turning back, a degree in nursing it was. Until chemistry that is. Oh that chemistry. Three times I repeated that class and with each time things seemed to get worse. Never did I imagine that repeating this class several times would lead me to dead ends when applying to nursing schools. 

Life also got in the way on multiple occasions and I ended up taking four semesters off throughout this journey. What was I thinking???? This set me farther and farther behind each and every time. But I am glad that I didn't give up. Yes there were many times when I felt hopeless and doubted that a career in nursing was for me but deep down I knew that I was meant to do this kind of job. My clerical days where over. I was bored of them and they brought no excitement to my life. I felt like I wasn't helping anyone. I didn't see purpose behind it even if I was a pretty darn good one finger typist ;)

2015 was a tough year. Feeling lost, confused, overwhelmed, and like a failure had me very stress and depressed but with each passing month I found a little bit of hope. 

Moving on to my last resort in pursuing a nursing degree I chickened out twice when it was time to proceed with the required steps. Then this past January I decided to hold on to faith. I submitted all my paperwork. I was called in for testing which almost made me back down again until I got the results which resulted in moving on to the interview phase. The interview was a piece of cake. And now, now I am 2 days away from my first day of nursing school. I still can't believe it if I'm being honest. 

So many tears. So many frustrations. So much stressing and worrying and feeling unwanted and now I'm on the road to completing my dream. Of course that it only gets harder from here and various times I've doubted if I was good/smart enough to make it through the next twenty months but like I told someone a few weeks ago. Failing is not an option for me at this point. I've made it way too far with many road blocks in between to screw it up now. I don't really care what I will miss out on the world because there's nothing out there that my "friends" are doing that will give me a rewarding life. I do fear missing out on milestones in my kids lives (am I exaggerating on this?). I hear over and over again how nursing school is stressful and for the duration of it I will eat drink and sleep studying. I will only succeed if I give it my all and for me not succeeding is not an option so yes I fear that I will have to put my kids after my studies. I repeat over and over to myself that it is all for the greater good and that I have a great support system with my mom and husband alone but some days doubt creeps in and messes with me. 

Nonetheless, here I am. A Friday night sitting on a study station I set up a couple months ago looking at my surroundings and imagining what the next twenty month will be like. I'd lie if I say I am not scare shitless but I'd also be lying if I don't say that I am overflowing with excitement. If you could look at my life the past several years and saw everything that I have gone through you wouldn't believe it. Just these past several months, the way things have fallen into place I know that God's hands have been poking around these parts. I am unworthy of his Mercy and Grace yet I am so thankful that he has not given up on me. It is all happening on his time and for his purpose and I will try my hardest not to let him down. Not to let my mother, husband, children, and everyone who has supported me down. 

I honestly cannot fully grasps how much difference a year can make. Last year around this time I was being prepared (through my devotionals) for some very unfortunate news and this year, oh this year. I have been immensely blessed in every aspect of my life. Can life ever be sweeter than this? We're not even half way through 2016 but I am sure that things will only get better, as long as I stay obedient. And that is only a small price to pay for the amount of happiness and joy that I feel. 

Life is a journey. Actually, life is full of journeys and I have embarked into quite a few of them over the years. Now I'm ready for the next one. 

Thank you Jesus! I give you all the glory. 



p.s.
Can I just say that in orientation we were told our graduation date. 

December 7, 2017 at 7pm Coincidence or Fate?

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