Tuesday, September 23, 2014


Many times in life we come to a point where a certain decision must be made. We might not want to decide on it but deep down we know that we must. Even if we don't understand it, it just needs to be done and that's the way it is. 

There's a decision I have to make. And it'll probably be the first of many hard ones. I knew years ago that this had to be done but I was in denial and by the looks of it I still am. I kept holding on to hope and faith and years later there's simply no hope for change. And truthfully I don't understand why? I've done everything in my power to allow for change and nada. Clearly then, it's not me. It's not. That's life. Maybe, just maybe, this is not a path that I am meant to be on. I find that hard to believe and for years I've prayed for guidance which has made the matter even more difficult then it was back then. 

Still a decision must be made. Whether it's today, next month, or with the coming year. The problem is fear of the unknown. That fear has been taunting me and at the same time fear of the unknown keeps pushing me toward the decision that I don't want to make. Mainly because I desire peace of mind yet even  with that what guarantees me that making a decision will give bring me piece?                   

Why does life have to be so complicated? I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that I'm responsible for my own happiness. Coworkers don't care much and neither do strangers. Only I care whether or not I'm truly experiencing the happiness I deserve and sadly enough these days are a hit or miss. 

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