Monday January 26, 2015

Steven: 28 years old 

Pamela: 27 years old

Steven Jr: 8.5 years old

Adrian: 2 years old exactly 
  

4am: hubby's alarm goes off. Knowing that there was a snow storm expected to come our way the husband calls his truck driver friends to get an update on the roads. A few of them had stayed home and the one who decided to go to work was heading back home. Hubby decides to stay in and check again a little later. 

5am: my alarm goes off. I grab my phone to check for school delays -The community college in the area is in partnership with the hospital to give the lectures for this training therefore if the school is close the training for the day gets cancelled. No delays. I wait till 530a and text a coworker who happens to be in training with me. Shortly after a message from the school gets sent "all campus closed till 12pm". Yayyy! We continue to text and agree to wait till 7a to call our director and inform her. I go back to bed. 

6am: hubby wakes up. I'm thinking he's just using the restroom but when he returns he looks out the window and says that he's going in to work. I panic. "What do you mean? I thought you were not going in? that's why I stayed in bed." He states that the roads are clear and he wants to get some kind of work done now before it gets worse. He offers to take Steven to his mother's that way I only have to worry about AJ. Fair enough. I go back to bed and add another alarm for 7am. 

6-7a: I wake up periodically to check for weather updates on the news playing on the TV. That was no fun, I should have just gotten up at 6a. 

7a: I toss and turn debating what to do. There's no training til noon. Should I take AJ to daycare? Or just sleep in? I do have actual school work to do too since I fell asleep doing it last night. I should really get up to work on that. I never get to sleep in anymore, I should take advantage now. But I really should take AJ to daycare, I'm paying either way might as well take him and if I don't take him now I'll have to do it later if the school open up. Ugh decisions decisions. I finally grab my phone and call my director to inform her of the delay. AJ is in bed with me and is waking up. "Good. This is good. If he wakes up I'll get us ready to go". He wakes up. That's that then. Up we go to shower. 

730a: we get ready and I call the daycare to check that they are in fact opened and let them know AJ will be coming. We walk downstairs and I turn on my keurig. I walk outside to clean and turn on the car. I come back in and finish making my cup of coffee. So good! I pack lunch and give AJ a breakfast bar and pour milk in his sippy cup for him to drink in the car. 

805a: we walk out the door but we don't make it out on time before the alarm goes off. I miss Steven, even though he drives me crazy in the mornings he sure is a great help. Back in I go to reset the alarm. 

810a: we're in the car and away we go. The roads are not bad at all. 

825a: we get to the daycare. AJ gets excited to be there but once we're in he holds me tight and tells me to hold him. I distract him while switching his snow boots for regular shoes and chat with his teachers about snow days etc. One of the teachers gets AJ's favorite car to try to get him to go with her. It doesn't work. She has to carry him so that I can leave. I hate to leave him crying. He's still not used to the daycare thing. He'll be ok, I'm sure. I have to repeat this several times to myself to feel better about leaving him. 

840a: I walk out to my car and debate on where to go. I talk to the hubby and we've agreed that he'll pick up the boys. I decide to drive to the library and wait for an update on school closings. 

850a- I arrive at the library despite my efforts to drive as slow as possible since it does not open until 9a. There are only a few cars in the parking lot. I wonder if they'll be open today? I sit around and wait while I browse through bloglovin'. I see Julia's DiTL and it reminds me that I have yet to do mine. And that's when I decide to do mine today. 

9:05a: cars start to pull in to the parking lot. Good. They're open. I grab my things and get out of the car. I take my first picture of the day. 

 

915a: I find a table toward the back wall. I sit and take out my books. I decide to read Julia's DiTL before doing school work and only make it till her 4pm. It's now 930a and I should really get to studying in case I have to go in to class/training at noon. 

930-1130a: I read and read some more. This is the hardest part to do at home because there's never true quietness with the boys around. In between all this I get a call back from my director saying she got my message and that if the school closes I should stay home for the day. Great! I then get a message from the school saying the campus are closed for today. Awesome! I decide to finish the chapter then go home. 

1130a: I head out. Is snowing a lot harder now. But not thick. Is more of a wet snow. I take the easiest way home, down Hamilton and a left on Front. 



 

12-2pm: I'm home. I get to cleaning. This house is a mess. As I'm about to put a load of laundry, wash dishes, I remember I have yet to eat breakfast. I look in the fridge and decide for avocado hummus on a toasted pita bread. I put the bread to toast and when I open the hummus I see that it's expired crap, I need to think fast because my bread is almost done. I see peanut butter, ok some jelly would go with with that. I make myself a PBJ pita sandwich, never had it before, it was different but eatable. I take out chicken and pour lemon juice over it. Fold three loads of laundry from the night before, sweep and mop the kitchen. Season the chicken, I've never seasoned a whole chicken before, it looks good. In the oven it goes. As I fold the third load I get a call from my mom and she needs a ride. She got back from DR on saturday and her car is no Bueno. I really don't want to go back out. Plus I'm still a bit upset at her leaving almost two months ago. I decide to go get her anyways, this too shall pass. 

2pm: I take a selfie. I haven't taken much pictures as it is. I'm about to walk out and realized I didn't put the alarm on. Back inside I go. Now I can leave. The neighbor is shoveling, looks like he's doing our side too. That's nice, he hasn't done that before. We say hello, I get in the car and drive away. 

220pm: I arrive at my mothers. It's seriously taking me twice as long to get places today. She comes outside with a few bags. When she gets in the car she starts to show me what she brought us from DR. Undies, candy, liquor. My aunt is also in the states from DR and she brought all the young boys blazers. She shows me, they're so cute!!! I love them. To bad I'm driving. I would have snapped a few pictures. We drive around running errands. 

254pm: I call the hubby to check where he's at. At the gym of course. I tell him that I can pick up AJ since I'm in that side of town. 

310pm: we arrive at the daycare and the kids are eating a snack. AJ sees me and gets so excited. He gets up from his little chair and runs to me. He hugs me and tells his friends "bye". This kid is too much. The teachers and I talk a bit about tomorrow's plans due to the weather. I also get AJ's first piece of art today, how sweet. My baby :)




 

320pm: we leave. AJ sees my mom for the first time in almost two months. He's a little confuse and doesn't really show interest in her. She carries him for a little and then I out him on his car seat. He then realizes who that is and says "that's the mama" yes baby that's mama. He gets excited and my mom gets excited. I go around the car and get in, we pull away. 

340pm: I drop off my mom and AJ and I head home. The scenery is beautiful but the roads are gross, very mushy and slippery. I have to take a pic. Although not the greatest. We sing songs as we drive home. I try to use this time to go over animals sound. I get super excited when AJ recognizes the sound of a hourse. I didn't know he knew that one! My face is priceless and AJ is looking at me like I went crazy. He then laughs. We continue to sing after his request, "sing mama, sing. 

 

4-5pm: we're home. I start to prep the rest of the dinner. Shortly after the hubby walks in with Steven. Steven is in a good mood. He was at his grandmother's all day with his uncle, I'm sure that's the reason for his good mood. He heads over to the stove and says "yes. Dinner. I didn't eat anything for dinner mom. Only for a breakfast and lunch. Is dinner done yet?". This child of mine is always hungry. He needs three meals a day and snacks in between not counting dessert. In the mean time AJ wants to play. He's been getting into the habit of pretend biting, he come up to you and pretends he's bitting you then he laughs and does it again. He finds it even more hilarious when I say "hey, what are you doing? That's not funny, it hurts." And is back and forth until one of us gets tired of it (most time that's me). It doesn't hurt obviously but when you're trying to get things done and after repeating the sane phrase over and over again well it does get tiring. So then he decides he wants to help me cook and reaches for the cooking spoon by standing on his toes. Good thing I was using the back burners. I carry him for a bit and he notices the candy bowl and asks for candy I try to distract him and when I put him down he happened to notice the candy my mom gave me and he was quick to grab one. I didn't even noticed. I took a few licks and gave it back, I guess he didn't like it?

 

I then send him to the living room while I finish cooking and within minutes I hear laughter. I don't know what's going on but AJ is just laughing like he had just witness the funniest thing ever. I also hear stomping and running. When I look over I see AJ standing while Steven is pretending to run toward the wall and bumps into it. That explains all the laughing. I wonder what it is about someone getting hurt that little kids find so amusing? I remember AJ being smaller and being upset and to distract him all Steven and anyone else had to do was pretend to get hurt and he would be all good afterward. 

I had to include a picture of King. He's always on his bed sleeping and only gets up for eating and going outside. He's the easiest dog ever to have at home, besides his health issues.

 

5pm: dinner is serve! We're having baked chicken, black means mix with rice (we call that a Moro), tostones (fried plantains), and mayo/ketchup sauce which is a sauce we make to eat with the plantains.Eating dinner att his time is very unusual. Most days we don't eat dinner till 7pm or a little later. Not that I'm complain though, is always nice to be done with dinner and cleaning the kitchen before 8pm. Most time I'm in the kitchen till 10p cleaning dinner dishes and packing lunch for the next day. Tomorrow's lunch was easy, leftovers! 

615pm: kitchen is cleaned and the hubby and Steven are watching a movie. I sit with them, very unlikely as well since most time I'm busy doing other things. I'm not too into the movie their watching. Is a scary one. I don't do scary movies, these two however. That's a different story. AJ has played a bit with the iPad and is now playing with Goofy and Mickey. He says that they are going night night and lays them next to me. The towels I folded earlier are still on the couch and he tries taking it to cover Mickey and Goofy. I catch that real fast though and give him a small blanket to use. I then remember the blazers my aunt sent the boys and I take them out to have them try it on. Steven loves them! He's so excited and says "I look fresh". AJ in the other hand wants nothing to do with his and takes it off immediately after I pull away to take a picture. He goes back to playing with the iPad. We all sit on the couch again and AJ wants his shoes off, he tries to take them off himself and can't so he goes to Steven. Steven pretends that its too hard for him and they just laugh. I love to see these two make a game out of anything, their brotherly bond is the best, I love it! AJ ends up scratching Steven on his face and Steven is not happy. AJ goes to him and says he's sorry and gives him a kiss. They never stay mad for long.

730-830pm: I decide to write some more to this post while the movie finishes. Steven then gets one of his board games to play while the hubby looks for another movie to watch. We decide on Alexander and the terrible horrible day. Steven wants to play Chinese checkers. We start it off and it gets pretty boring real fast. I think we're playing it right but there's something just not right. He picks another game, trouble trouble. I've never played that one. Hubby teaches us and we do only one round because the movie is really funny. We decide to watch the movie instead. 

9pm: it's AJs bedtime. Is actually both of the boys bedtime but with this snow storm coming we let Steven finish the movie. I take AJ up to his room and get him ready for bed. I lay him in his crib with Mickey and Elmo and he "reads to them". I turn in the projector ceiling light set for 10 minutes and walk out. He doesn't make it long and within 15 minutes he's out for the night. He's been doing this routine for a little over two weeks now. So far it's been a success. He's self soothing and sleeping through the night between 9-11 hours, is awesome! When I come down I find those two plug on the iPad and phone waiting for me.Life is way too easy for males, don't you think?

10pm: movie is done. Steven wakes me and says "daddy said to move your car". I'm so confused. Apparently I fell asleep. I can't help it I felt so tired. I asked the hubby to please move the car for me and he does, so sweet. I stay laying on the couch about another 20 minutes then head upstairs. 

11pm: lights out. 

A day in the life of my married life. We have our routine days and unexpected things do come up from time to time. My bedtime varies  day by day and my mornings are almost always hectic. We're not too strict on going by the books, we take life as it comes. Some days we go over MILs and don't get home till after 8p which throws off the entire routine but at least I don't have to cook it clean the kitchen :) 

xoxo

Pamela 

It was a Tuesday afternoon and I was getting out of work (my previous job), usually on Tuesdays they have evening hours until 7 PM. That particular Tuesday just so happened that it had been snowing since the night before. It wasn't a crazy storm but steady enough to require the car to be cleaned. By the time I got out of work it was really dark and my car was full of snow with ice on the window. A coworker and I were the last ones to leave. We get outside and we walked to the parking lot towards our cars. There were three cars in the parking lot, hers and mine and a police car which we found strange because there's never a police car in the parking lot. Never.  Not even at this time of day. 

As we walked to the cars I asked her if that was what I think it was? she replies with "I don't know, what is it? I tell her is a police car. We agreed it was and kind of brushed it off like it was no big deal so she walked to her car and I walked to mine which was parked a parking space away from the cop car. As I approached my car the cop's car window goes down and he says "I have a feeling that your car is pretty cold" and I say "I have a feeling that you are right" and I continued toward my car, open the door, turn my car on, and pulled out my little scraper brush thingy to clean my car. As I'm cleaning my car the cop gets out of his car and opens up his trunk. It looks like he was looking for something and then he comes over next to me and says "here, let me help you". I thanked him for helping me and I continued to clean my car. It was pretty quiet and then he tells me "I didn't even know we had this in our car. Usually our cars are in a cover parking deck and we never have to clean it". Then it got really quiet. To make conversation because the quietness felt too awkward I said "so how are the roads" and he replied with "they're okay are you going far?" I said no not really just near the mall and he replied with a no you should be okay. I say okay thanks then he asks me if I live in Whitehall and I state "around there".

Inside I was freaking out! all kind of scenarios were going through my mind. I couldn't think straight, I didn't know what to do. Now how funny is that since he's the cop and "his job" is to protect me. All I wanted was for my phone to ring. I'm thinking I wish my husband would call, why isn't he calling me, he always calls me when I get out of work late.  Mind you that by this time I was in the parking lot all by myself because the coworker that I was with got in her car and pulled out of the parking lot. As we finished cleaning the car I thanked him again for help me and wished him a goodnight. He said to take care and to drive safely. 

I got in my car and I pulled out of the parking lot. When I was no longer in sight I picked up my cell and called my so-called friend and I flipped on her for leaving me in the parking lot by myself with the stranger male cop. She starts laughing at me and says "I thought you were safe, he's a cop out of anyone I would leave you with it would be a cop because cops are supposed to protect you". We continue going back and forth and I tell her that there's a lot of weird people out there, there's so many crazy things that happens, for we know he's not a cop but instead he's a crazy dude that beat up a cop, took his uniform and his car and was in that parking lot looking for a young woman to rape and kill. 

It was the laugh of the night and then everything was okay, I was glad I was okay and we hung up. As I'm driving home I start thinking "what if he's following me" I was paranoid. What if he put tracker in my car and he's trying to find out where I live (I watch way to many Lifetime movies). I'm looking in my mirror to the back and pray to God to please protect me as I'm freaking out. Then I calm down and think, well maybe it's not that bad. Maybe he just happened to be there and he was being nice and helped me clean my car, he was just being nice. There still nice people out there right? Especially if it's a cops. Then reality struck me and I felt horrible for even thinking that the cop could harm me. Am I wrong? Technically anything could have happened but I will never know what the true intention of that cop were. So I'm left here weeks later still thinking about it and wondering what if he would had stood in his car? What if he would had never said anything to me? What if he would've never came out of the car to help me clean my car? What if he wouldn't have been nice? Would I have given it a second thought? Would it had bothered me if he wouldn't had offered help? What would had been my thoughts if he would of never came out of his car? It's funny the way we think when we're stuck in a particular situation where we tend to think that we are in harms way when in reality it could have been nothing. It could have been another human-being being nice. 

     

Your brother is you best friend. Even when you fight the bond you too have created is priceless. He defends you, you defend him and then you fight. But then it all goes back to normal.

Sweet baby, I am so happy you are a part of our family. You make everything so perfect and complete. You are so loving, always giving hugs and kisses, wanting to cuddle, and just being the best that you can be. We are all proud to call you our son and brother. The last two years have passed by way too fast, I sure hope this next year goes at a slower pace. 

We love you AJ!

xoxo

Mommy

Marcia: you took me under your wings from the very beginning. Teaching me my new role, pointing out the mistakes, having my back, bringing me lunch (and many times even dinner), massaging my shoulders, and offering a sincere friendship and advice. Your roughness makes you unique and deep down you have an amazing gentle heart. I wish you and your family all the blessings life has to offer you. 

Linda: oh Linda. "But you're not listening to me. Just listen to me Linda". Lol you are the life of that office. We clicked instantly from the very beginning. You have no filter but mean no harm. Always so giving, friendly, and chirpy. That office would not be the same without you. Thanks for the many times you brought me coffee in the mornings and bought me pizza for lunch. For joining me on my summer walks with your milkshakes or apple pies as I tried to live a healthier life.

Michele w/1 L: what will it beeee.... Baby #3! I'm so excited for that gender reveal. You have a heart of gold and have no problem speaking your mind. Your girls are so lucky to have you as their momma. As the "newbies" in the office we stuck together in everything. Thanks for putting up with all my craziness at the end of the day. I know the end of your day will never be the same but you will be ok, as long as you remember not to walk out with Linda. 

Waldo: "Where Is Waldo?" You and I had our moments but I have to admit that being cucu for coco pebbles and after waldo-ing it around you're a funny girl. I will miss our talks and your wild stories. I seriously wish you the best life has to offer you. 

Olaf: you are seriously the sweetest person I've ever meet. In the full year I was around you not once did I ever see you mad or in a bad mood. You are just so down to earth with everything and so chill. Every morning as I walked down that hallway I anticipated my turn because even if I had walked in feeling down or upset your positive vibe had an instant affect on me. Your sweetness is so contagious, don't ever lose it. I know it helped me make it through the day each time. 

Mama Goose: you are so wise. At first I seriously thought you hated me. Maybe because Marcia would baby me or because I was always walking through that door after 830a, I couldn't put my finger on it but the more I got to know you the more I enjoyed being around you. Your experiences makes you unique and you have a lot to offer. It wasn't till recently that I came to realize that you're like the Mother of the clerical staff. Thanks for being you. Also, cut Waldo some slack sometimes. 

Michie: always so quiet and reserved. I could never tell whether you were in a good mood or not. It seriously took over six months to break through your shell and feel comfortable around you (and I thought my shell was hard lol). It was always a pleasure talking with you and hearing how similar are wannabe teenagers are. You're doing a great job mama, take care of yourself. 

All these girls have taught me something that I plan to make part of my daily life. I will miss them all dearly and wish them all nothing but the very best. 

And with this post I turn the page to what has been an interesting and short chapter in my life. Who knows, maybe this was an intro to a future chapter but for now the page must be turned and a new chapter must begin. 

The unknown, the unpredictable, the ups and down, the drama, the somewhat expected, the new faces and personalities, and the starting over. It's all giving me anxiety but I'm ready. Or so I hope to be. Next week begins a new adventure, I'm excited to see how long it'll last and where it'll take me. 

xoxo

Pamela 

Surprisingly the search wasn't all that bad. The hospital I work for offers daycare services for their employees and after doing a little research, checking out the place, meeting the director and teachers, and getting great reviews from current parents (who also happen to be doctors at my current office as well as my director) we were sold. More so my husband because as he says 'if the doctors feel comfortable taking their kids there then that says a lot about the place no?" Well I guess he was right. After many back and forth the day finally arrived when AJ became part of that club and that day was today. I've been mentally prepping myself and had great support from people who made our decision and transition a good one. So thanks.

This morning was THE day. 

We wake up super early. Is like he knew what was going on. We get dress, pack the car and head out on our way. We drop off Steven at grandmas due to the two hour delay for the school district and AJ and I continue on to the daycare. As we get near I look back and notice AJ sleeping. I say to myself "oh no. I hope he wakes up when we arrive". Well guess what? He didn't. I tried all the tricks possible from the moment I took off his seat belt till we made it to the classroom. My kid was comatose. His head teacher asked me if I wanted to lay him down and call in an hour to check up on him. But I didn't want his first day to go like that. I wanted him to be aware of what was happening. No matter how I try to wake him he just wouldn't wake up. I had no choice. I had to leave him there. Sleeping. Without a clue on how he'd react once he woke up and noticed mommy was gone and he was no longer in a car. My poor kid. And so I laid him down and walked away. Hardest thing I ever had to do. 

An hour later I called to check on him and it was reported to me that he was still sleeping. The teachers were very nice about it. They gave me the option of having them wake him up so that he may join the other kids for breakfast or let him sleep a little longer and save his breakfast. Knowing my child I said to just let him sleep if it was ok with them. Especially since they didn't seem concerned about him not napping at nap time. And so he slept. 

A little after 11am I was getting ready to call again for an update and as I randomly and briefly checked my email I noticed an email from the daycare director stating all was well. 

My whole attitude changed. I was so happy that he was happy and things were going well. 

Fast forward to 3pm. I called once more for another update. Yes I'm that mom. I was glad to hear that my child was having a pretty good first day. The teacher who answered, Amanda (there are 3 in total), gave me a great report. She said that he woke up around 10am and had played, danced, sat quietly during story time, ate all his breakfast and a little of his lunch. I asked if he had cried at all and she said only briefly at nap time because he didn't want to nap. She said she gave him a book to look at quietly at his mat and that a few minutes later he was sleeping again. He slept until a little after 3pm since 11am (Go AJ!) and was now having a snack. I had to ask "are you sure you're talking about AJ?" She laughed and said "yeah, I'm sure". We laughed. I was pleased and that was that. Only a few more hours till pick up time. 

The next couple of hours seemed to be taking forever. Finally at 5:10pm I was on my way to the daycare only 5 minutes away. I parked and walk on over to the door. I enter and walk straight down the hallway leading to the room where he's at. I spot him right away. The teacher is carrying him. He looks out the window on the center of the door but doesn't really notice me. Until I get closer that is. And then he does. He realized that is me. I open the door and within seconds I'm greeted by a "Mommy. Mama." Then a loud scream. She puts him down and he runs to me screaming mama. He hugs my legs so tight and looks up at me. Then he turns his head to his teacher and says "it's my mama". All through this I feel overfilled with love. Enough to have my eyes tear up and possibly even shed a tear. Or two. #truestory. His facial expression and his excitement to see me was the greatest joy ever. Is the reason I live for him and his brother. I haven't felt like this in a while. I mean yes he loves me. And says it often. But to actually witness how much he missed me and was so happy to see me was priceless. 

I carried him and hugged him and kissed him and hugged him some more. Then I got him ready, got his daily report sheet and out we went. As we approached the car he says "mama is your vroom! (car)" (which makes me think, what could have had possibly been on his mind when he woke up? Was his last memory him being in the car with me? How did he feel inside when he realized I was gone? What were his thoughts? emotions? It's all a mystery) The entire ride home he talked and talked. I had no idea what he was trying to say but I can guarantee he was telling me all about his day. He asked for daddy and pollo and cookies, he wanted cookies. Then said "we go house". Yes baby we go house was all I could managed still with a smile from ear to ear. He kept "singing" but I couldn't make out the songs. We had a nice ride home. Just my baby and I after such an eventful day for us both. 

Once we arrived home my husband opens the door and got greeted by a big "it's daddy!" I've never seen AJ so happy to see his parents and brother before. I don't know but I have a feeling this whole daycare experience might not be so bad after all. I look forward to the weeks ahead.

xoxo

Pamela 

A new year to me signifies a new chapter, sort of like a new beginning. Like with each day the past is the past and each morning you get a new opportunity to be better and do better. The difference is that with the new year it truly does feel like a fresh start. 

I guess giving yourself goals to complete over the course of the year then looking back 12 months later and seeing the improvements does feel good. Year after year I set new goals and year after year I fail at them. I simply stop trying. Imagine my surprise when in the middle of the service I wanted nothing more than to grab my handy dandy notebook and jot down some ideas. Of course that I didn't. I decided to wait till I got home to really sit down and focus on what I expected to achieve in 2015. Ten hours later and here I am just blogging about it because although I made a trip to Target specifically to buy a new handy dandy notebook (new year new notebook right ;)) to start the year off right I didn't even get to write the date on the first page. 

I can't help but to laugh because one of my goals is to be more organize and keep up with house chores. As we drove home I thought to myself that when we arrived we were going to sit on the couch to watch movies. Then I would fix lunch, prep clothes for the week, and put the kids to bed early so that mommy and daddy can spend some quality time and go to bed at the sane time. Then we get home. The boys sit on the couch to watch movies and I said that I'll be right back I was going to use the restroom. Next thing I know I start to organize my room, AJs room, Pollo's room (dusting and all), wash laundry, vacuum, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, fold clothes, put them away, etc etc and before I know it is supper time. We order Chinese and eat and once again I find myself organizing more rooms etc. It was such a long day, I need a massage. But you know what, I got sooo much done! I kept my phone away because I get easily distracted when I get a message or IG notification and it helped. I'm so proud of myself. This post is certainly my ramblings but you don't understand. Most days I have such a high doze of laziness going on that I would spend all day doing pretty much nothing. So for today to be so productive makes me feel like I can conquer the world! Hahaha ok maybe not all that but close. 

Back to my goals. So I finally got the chance to sit and write. And here's what I expect to include in my life for 2015. 

See the good in all things even in the worse of the worse 

These things are all for me, to make me better. When December comes around I want to look back at this year and actually see a difference in myself. I don't want to have wasted another year, I want to make this year count, I want to have tried my best at everything. There are a lot of things going on right now and in the coming months which makes me fearful yet excited all the the same time. Is time to change my attitude and give it my all. 

Hello 2015, I've been expecting you. 

xoxo

Pamela