Thursday, February 20, 2014

Big Brother


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When the hubby and out found our we were pregnant. At nineteen. We didn't know what to do. One thing we did know was that we weren't ready to be parents. Yet with that in mind we proceeded to make the best out of the situation and become a family. Another thing we did know for sure was that many years would pass by before we had another child. And so it was. Almost seven years passed by before we got pregnant again. 

During those years I worried. Worried that we were being selfish about giving our son a sibling close in age so that they can grow together. I worried that once we did give him a sibling chaos would enter our life. That Steven would not handle being a big brother quite as easily as it is for other big brothers. I worried that there would be jealousy and feeling of not being loved. Of course that as parents we worry about many things but these were my biggest worries. 

Then I got pregnant. We told Steven and he was thrilled. As my belly grew he got more and more excited. When he felt kicks and hiccups, well that was just surreal for him. Toward the end of the pregnancy he'd ask constantly when would his brother come. In December we made a countdown to his brothers due date. He thought his brother would he here by Christmas and he was so upset when that didn't happen. But sure enough just a little over a week after Christmas Adrian entered this world and changed his life forever. 

Steven has proven to be such a great big brother. From the very beginning he was attached. He would want to be around his brother. He always wanted to hug him and kiss him he hated watching him cry and often times would get upset with us if it seemed that we were doing nothing to stop him from crying. He wouldn't be upset because the cry bothered him but rather because he cared about his brother and didn't want to see him cry. I remember various times when his exact words were "mom don't you get it. He can't talk. He can't tell you what's wrong. He's not a big kid like me. He's a baby. He needs you. You need to hold him. Give him milk or change his diaper". Other times he'll come to me and say "mom if you don't pick up my brother I'm going to pick him up myself from his crib. He's a baby mom. He needs you". That was always his argument and it made me feel so good that he cared. He really cared. 

There have been times where I've sense some jealousy because of the amount of attention that Adrian requires with being a baby and all. And Steven is sure to let you know if he's feeling left out or not loved as much. It doesn't happen often but I'd be lying if I don't admit to it happening. He's not perfect and there are times he does things that he shouldn't be doing to get our attention but we can't get too upset. At the end of the day he's still just a child, a seven year old that also requires attention even if it's at a different level.

Now that Adrian is acting more like a big boy by walking, playing, understanding, and talking more things have gotten to be so much fun in the house. They play Marco Polo by saying "AJ & Pollo", Adrian laughs at everything Steven does be it big or small and always wants to be where his big brother is. Steven is always trying to feed AJ, he acts like a parent sometimes. He even knows how to fix AJ's bottle, thank God for big brothers. He can carry him without a problem. Granted that AJ is light in weight. But he'll just take him out of his crib and hand him to me or transfer him from the bed or couch to the floor (under supervision of course). Or he'll take off AJ's seat belt once we're home and take him out of his car seat because being in there is so uncomfortable for AJ, according to Steven. He'll share his food and toys. He'll help me entertain me when I'm trying to cook dinner or clean or if we're driving and AJ is being fuzzy. Those are the best moments.

Steven takes his big brother role very serious when it come to AJ. I would have never imagined that things would be this smoothly. Ask me again in 5 years if things are still this smooth. 

I don't regret at all waiting this long to have another child. And I will probably wait no less then three years before having a third one. My boys are so unique in their specific age and so much fun. It can be challenging sometimes having their individual needs be so far off but I bet is not as challenging as having two kids in diapers, caring around twice as much things in a diaper bag, and putting two kids in and out of car seats. Not to mention daycare cost.

Our kids are babies just once. They are toddlers just once. And you may have more babies and more toddlers but you will never have that baby and that toddler again. So I choose to enjoy these years one child at a time. It may seem hard to start over again after a child is in school and you're so done and over with diaper changes and teething. It may be tempting to get all your pregnancies and those first couple of years over with back to back but I don't plan on having the urge to have another child in my late 30s or even in my 40s because I had them all in my early 20s. I want to space them out and truly experience and enjoy the pregnancies and the terrible 2s one child at a time. Even if at times I may feel like a first time mother all while also raising a 7 year old. 

Thank goodness for the freedom of choice!


Hand and the Heart
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1 comment:

  1. I love this! It is hard for me to always understand people who believe that when kids are close in age they will be closer. That is not always the case really. It is so much more about personality. There is almost a 10 yr gap between my youngest sister and I and we are EXTREMELY close... Siblings are the best!

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