Losing my dad at an early age was the hardest experience of my life until very resent. I always felt that I was cheated out of having a dad growing up. It has been hard. And some days I still don't believe that he's actually gone. Even though it has been almost twenty years since his passing.

However, ten years ago God sent to our lives an amazing God fearing-man that today I am honored to call my stepfather. He always has the right words for me and is always available for anything and everything. He cares for all my loved ones and most importantly he cares and loves my mom to the moon and back.

Ramon, you are an amazing person. You have been a blessing in our lives and I am honored to be called your daughter. You have done so much for us and have proven to be an amazing friend and father figured to me. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for sticking around all these years. Thank you for your words. You are a rock star!

It's been a little over six months that I switched from full time 12s to part time 8s and let me tell you that I freaking love it! I don't know how I will go back to working 12 hours a day when school is over since it's already hard enough now when I pick up an extra 4 hours after my eight hour shift. I came home and my feet are hurting so much. Not to mention that I get home super tired and with no energy whatsoever. The only thing on my mind when I get home is showering and sleep. I could care less about eating, I just want to relax.

Well why am I thankful for early workdays ? Because I get to enjoy doing things with my little family. Whether is out visiting family or friends, parks, after school activities, dining, or my favorite date night. I don't get home exhausted and we get spend time with the kids before going out to spend time for our selves.

Today we ended up going out to dinner and it was fun. I'm dining out doesn't always happen where it just us. Either my FIL or BIL or my mom is with us so it's never really just us but today it was and I liked it. It was without a doubt sort of, um strange, being labeled as a "young mom of three kids". Not that there is something wrong with it but I never really pay much attention to the stares because we're in large groups but today I did notice and it felt awkward.

The nest part of this dining experience was when my little guy, Adrian, stood up on his seat and let's "guys I have an idea. Let's cheer!" He has us all out our drinks mid air in the middle and say cheers. Then my oldest said "cheers to having the best family in the world". It was the cutest toast ever and it almost made me shed a tear because my kids face were priceless. They were so happy! And their happiness made me happy :) and I owe all that to been able to get out of work by 330. That still leaves me all evening and night to either do school work myself, cook, clean, and spend quality time with hubby or the family.

It seriously is the best!

This is not the first time I talk about this topic here so I won't say much. Only that I love music so much!!!!

Could you imaging living in a world of silence? No instruments? No rhymes? No melody? No birds chirping? No music? I can't even imagine it.

Thank the heavens for music , life without music just wouldn't be the same. 

What a beautiful day.

Today I decided to go back to my church's  bible study class. After the message I received during clinical on Monday I realized that my priorities had changed a bit since the beginning of the year. It's true that once you start to pull away from an activity it gets harder to go back to it and that's what started happening to me. Working weekends prevented me from attending the Sunday service and Wednesdays were so hectic that little by little I stopped going altogether. But yesterday, yesterday I put my foot down and made it happened, I got in my car and drove away without thinking twice and boy was it worth it.

I felt so welcomed. It felt so good being there. It's one of those places where I have no doubt that I truly belong. I was obedient, followed my heart's desire and  realized that I've been crazy for staying away from a place that brings me so much peace and happiness.

Seeing my pastor's wife was like seeing a long lost sister. She's always reaching out and praying for me even when I don't respond back. Her hug and words felt sincere and full of love. And she even surprised me by grabbing my hands before leaving and praying over me. Guys you don't even understand. There's so much power in prayer and her prayer over me was everything that I needed without her even knowing it. I don't understand how some people don't believe that there's a God when everything in my life has proven just the opposite. He is real and he loves me, and you, and you.

***Sigh***

I have so much joy in my heart I can't even sit still. Thank you Jesus for putting so many wonderful people in my life. Thank you for loving me even when I don't deserve it. Thank you for Pastor Irma, may you continue to use her to do your will and may you always bless her and her family. 

Today I'm thankful for nursing school. Yes, you read that right. Nursing school  has been a blessing. I say that because since starting in May I have learned so much and have been exposed to so many things. Things that I had never thought would really happen. Example, observing an incisional hysterectomy with the removal of a massive fibroid. You should had seen that beast!

Not only have I seen fascinating things but I've gotten the opportunity to care for pretty awesome patients. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth but boy do I love my  gerontological population even when they are bat crazy confused or have c. diff.

Nursing school has allowed me to get more in touch with my inner self.  My feelings, my thoughts, my integrity, you name it. It has been an amazing experience which has only confirmed me that this is definitely my passion. I look forward to being done with school and seeing where my fate will take me :) 

That moment when you feel down and defeated. When you know you are so blessed yet you can't get out from your funk. You start to see the worse out of every situation and can't even make sense of everyday things.

Then you wake up one morning feeling hopeful. You start your day with a positive view on life and decide that today WILL be different. You will have faith and you will think positive. Then you turn around and everything starts go go wrong. You spill your coffee creamer and now you have a mess to clean up, you notice the time only to see that it's a lot later than you thought it was, you walk out the door only to find that it is cold and you're not even wearing your coat because you know, not enough time for that. Your windshield is frosted and you did not warm up your car like you have been doing. You are rushing  to clinical but there's not point in rushing because you are late already. As you speed walk through the hospital hallway toward the elevator you get stopped by a classmate who's lost and running late herself for her OR experience so you can't just leave her hanging. Yup definitely late for clinical. It just can't get any worse can it?

Oh yes it can.

You are giving meds today with your instructor and as things seem to be slowing down you make stupid mistakes like scanning the meds before the patient which gets pointed out by your instructor by the way.  A couple other mistakes later and your instructor points out that "you're not really paying attention to what you're doing", OMG I want to die! What is happening with me? Not here too, please not here too. This is a safe zone. I guess not today it's not.

I'm definitely dreaming. This is really not happening. I just want to go home and hide in my bed under lots of blankets and start over tomorrow.

Then the greatest of things happen. You begin conversation with a nurse only to realize 2 minutes later that you're not really having a conversation with her. God is using her to give you a message. He wants you to know that you are not forgotten. He sees you, hears you, and gets you but you need to be patient but It will be always on his time not yours.

Several minutes later you feel confident and

Say "I believe that. I receive that". The nurse gives you confused look and you say "I really needed this. Thank you". And she says "oh yea? Well, it was no coincidence".

My heart sank. Once again the Grace of God has reached me. Things started to look up from there as I meditated on the words that came out of her mouth. There'll never be enough words to express my Thankfulness for his Grace :)

I am infatuated with the sun. Whether is the early morning sunrise or the evening sun setting I feel that it is the most beautiful thing ever.

Call me weird but whenever I come  across such beautiful light I think of God and his grace shining up upon me and the world. Yesterday as we drove to meet FIL for dinner the sun was stunning. I didn't know what to do with myself. It is such an unexplainable feeling, to me the sun setting is one of the greatest feeling ever as it relaxes me and it reminds me of all the little things I can be thankful for.

In the mornings as the sun is rising it puts me in a good mood. It wakes me up for sure. Lately with it being so dark in the mornings it made me feel blah. But this morning everything changed. It felt so good seeing light again after some dark mornings. Though with the time changing all is well with life :)

That being said today I am thankful for the beautiful sunlight that makes my day everyday without doubt. There's simply no way of ignoring it, is that beautiful. Is it just me?

  

I am so thankful to have been blessed with a father-in-law like mine. He is so awesome! And although very firm and strong willed, and makes me feel intimidated by him, I get the feeling that he cares about me.

He tries to give me advice like that if a father. He's very religious so he also gives me words of wisdom and encourages me to stay strong in my faith and don't give up on things. Spending time with him makes me feel like there's a small part of my dad in him. He can be funny and he loves his grandsons so much. He spoils them rotten with everything.

I really lucked out with a father-in-law like him and I will be forever thankful to have been a part of his family. I honestly feel honored to carry his last name and I will carry it with pride and make sure my children know how important he has been in my life :)

A couple years ago I ventured on the transitioning hair journey. I pretty much chopped of all my hair, stop applying heat, and looked like crap 75% of the time because I couldn't figure out how to manage all this thick hair Hahaha. It's ridiculously funny now that I think about it but a real story nonetheless.

It all started back in 2012 unintentionally and by 2014 I started in the official transitioning journey. I would still apply heat once in a while but not nearly as often as I had previously done. This year, 2016, it was all thrown out the window. I thought, screw this. I'm a grown a$$ women, I don't have time to be looking like crap so I started to blow dry my hair again a lot more frequently. I've been faithful to trimming my hair every 3-4 months to promote growth and maintain health but I sucked at keeping up with treatments and deep conditioning. For some reason I still felt unsecured when my hair was wet because to me it was too short and it looked plain weird. Some days it would look really nice while others it was like I didn't look in the mirror before leaving my house. 

Recently though I've been embracing my natural hair by doing wash n' go styles. I want to say that the only reason why I haven't been consistent with allowing my curl pattern to develop nicer is because I didn't have a good regimen to follow. Actually, I'm still learning and trying to figure it out. But it has gotten a lot better. So today I sucked it up, did a half assed wash n' go style, and left to work. All day I would sneak to the bathroom to make sure my hair wasn't acting up and it wasn't. It actually looked pretty awesome. I was happy :)

Once I got home I showered n rewashed my hair with conditioner just to redo the style in more detail and OMG reality check, my hair has come a long way. The curls pop out so much more. I definitely have 2 curl patterns and there's a lot more room for improvement but I love it!!! 4 hours later it's still somewhat wet so is not as puffy as I would like but I hope for tomorrow it'll look a lot better. After that small reality check I thought "I am so glad I started this journey to find my natural hair texture". And so something very insignificant that I take for granted with each passing day makes the thankful list.

I am so thankful for my natural hair! Guys, I have the best of both worlds. I can style my hair wet to have some pretty awesome curls or I can straighten it and look totally different. Is like having multiple personalities ;) just kidding. But each look does make me feel very different and unique about myself. It's pretty awesome :)

Today I met up with an old friend. We've been friends since elementary school. We parted ways for some years while in high school but we reconnected again and we've tried keeping in touch ever since.  We try to meet up at least every six months and of course we keep up to date with social media and messaging/phone calls.

Lately I've been going through some stuff. I told her today "they tell you that nursing school will be hard but they never say it can drive you crazy". And that's how I feel, like I'm going crazy! My brain is on information overload. So much so that I seriously needed to vent and talk it out. Problem was I didn't know who to turn to. So when she messaged me about getting together I thought "um…". And sure thing our meeting was a blessing in disguise.

You see I have trust issues. I don't tell everyone my problems or worries and that's not good because it starts to drive me crazy. I was even a bit scared to talk to her but it felt so natural I couldn't help it. What made it even a greater experience that her word meant everything. Her advice and opinions were sincere. She truly listened and instead of judging me she laughed with me. We laughed together at my craziness and it felt so good. Laughter really does the soul good. So on this 3rd day of Thanksgiving  my thankfulness goes this this amazing woman who I cherish very much.

Thank you old friend. We have come a long way and I look forward to the years ahead. We really are going to grow old and be bestows in our 80s ;) 

This was a no brainer jajaja. I am so thankful my my handsome boys and yesterday morning was such a beautiful reminder. I woke up and looked over to my right simply to see my boys cuddled up in bed with me. All I wanted to do was jump out of bed and take a morning picture with them sleeping but my tiredness got the best of me. I wasn't sure of the time and that moment was such a sweet one that I didn't want to ruin it by knowing it would soon be over so I kissed them and back to sleep I went.

My kids are my world. Without even realizing it they motivate me to be the best that I can be in all areas of my life. I want to give them everything that I possibly can but more importantly I want them to be God-fearing, humble, caring, loving, trustworthy, and have the confidence they need to survive in this cruel world.  There are no words that can ever describe my love for them. They are both so different yet so alike in so many ways. They seriously make my life complete. Is funny how now that they are here I could never picture  a life without them. 

I love you so much Steven and Adrian

XOXO

I've been very busy lately juggling and trying to balance my many roles without going cray cray. Most often in life we are so busy that we forget to stop a minute and see the beauty within,we forget to appreciate the little things, and we take for granted the every day mundane stuff. Obviously I have failed miserably at documenting 2016 and it's happenings like I truly wanted to but as a reward I am challenging myself to post everyday for the month of November. I'm not doing it to attract viewers or increase my followers. I'm doing it for myself. As a reminder of the things I am thankful and appreciative for in life. These posts may or may not include a picture and will definitely be relatively short since the goal here is to be thankful. Not to mention that this season of life has been chaotic. However, I WILL find the time each day to stop and be thankful. 

On my first day of Thanksgiving I want to be thankful for My Faith. 

To me, faith is believing in the unseen. Meaning a higher power. I believe that nothing in my life has been a coincidence but instead part of God's plan for me. So lately, whenever I'm experiencing trials and tribulations instead of wondering "why? Why me!?" Like I used to I now say "I trust you, and I have faith that this too is part of your plans for my life". I like to think that my trials will only make me better and teach me important life lessons. My trials are shaping me into the woman I am meant to be. Even if I don't always understand the reasons behind them. 

Years ago I would not have looked at my misfortunes as a positive thing. But thanks to Faith I have reached inner peace and for that I am very Thankful! 

Happy 1st of November :)