Monday, November 7, 2016

30 Days of Thanksgiving: Grace

That moment when you feel down and defeated. When you know you are so blessed yet you can't get out from your funk. You start to see the worse out of every situation and can't even make sense of everyday things.

Then you wake up one morning feeling hopeful. You start your day with a positive view on life and decide that today WILL be different. You will have faith and you will think positive. Then you turn around and everything starts go go wrong. You spill your coffee creamer and now you have a mess to clean up, you notice the time only to see that it's a lot later than you thought it was, you walk out the door only to find that it is cold and you're not even wearing your coat because you know, not enough time for that. Your windshield is frosted and you did not warm up your car like you have been doing. You are rushing  to clinical but there's not point in rushing because you are late already. As you speed walk through the hospital hallway toward the elevator you get stopped by a classmate who's lost and running late herself for her OR experience so you can't just leave her hanging. Yup definitely late for clinical. It just can't get any worse can it?

Oh yes it can.

You are giving meds today with your instructor and as things seem to be slowing down you make stupid mistakes like scanning the meds before the patient which gets pointed out by your instructor by the way.  A couple other mistakes later and your instructor points out that "you're not really paying attention to what you're doing", OMG I want to die! What is happening with me? Not here too, please not here too. This is a safe zone. I guess not today it's not.

I'm definitely dreaming. This is really not happening. I just want to go home and hide in my bed under lots of blankets and start over tomorrow.

Then the greatest of things happen. You begin conversation with a nurse only to realize 2 minutes later that you're not really having a conversation with her. God is using her to give you a message. He wants you to know that you are not forgotten. He sees you, hears you, and gets you but you need to be patient but It will be always on his time not yours.

Several minutes later you feel confident and
Say "I believe that. I receive that". The nurse gives you confused look and you say "I really needed this. Thank you". And she says "oh yea? Well, it was no coincidence".

My heart sank. Once again the Grace of God has reached me. Things started to look up from there as I meditated on the words that came out of her mouth. There'll never be enough words to express my Thankfulness for his Grace :)

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